They'll Take Manhattan
Commentary: Welcome to the Big Apple, the GOP's playground.
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Hel-l-l-o-o-o, New York! From Chairman Ed Gilles-pie and the rest of us funky, "get-down," urban-cowboy types on the Republican National Committee, welcome to New York, New York, our kind of town!
As this historic first-ever Republican National Convention in New York City is about to begin, we greet our delegates, their families and corporate guests, and the millions who will be watching on TV. We think you're going to love it here. For months our Site Selection group has scoured this city in search of safe, Republican fun spots, and found more than enough to justify our choice, obviously. From the part of the city that's on the upper end of it to whatever they call that part down around Wall Street, and from the river on one side to the river or ocean that's on the other, many members of the Republican National Committee have come to know this city like the back of our chauffeur. We'd like to share our own special New York with you.
First you'll want to meet our honorary New Yorker-in-chief and all-around Republican party animal, Tom DeLay (R-Texas). Tom's the guy, you recall, who was going to bring a cruise ship and anchor it just off Manhattan for us to caucus and get loud and hang out on -- until he took such a pounding in the media that unfortunately he had to drop that plan. Tom's got plenty more ideas where that came from, though. Then there's our master of urban revels, Grover Norquist, or "Norquist from the 'hood," as friendly city inhabitants have nicknamed him. He'll take you to little out-of-the-way places that only he knows about but doesn't really feel comfortable in and neither would you, so it's back to the Marriott and the minibar! Also, don't forget our campaign chairman and former governor of Montana, Marc Racicot, who will be here start to finish. Just a street kid at heart, Marc says he has several informative guidebooks which he will be happy to lend.
Illustration By: Maurice Vellekoop
