Knock Knock. “Who’s There?” “Donald Trump.”

<a href="https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/507158574670573568">@realDonaldTrump</a>/Twitter

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(Knock knock)

“Who’s there?”

“Donald.”

“Donald who?”

“Donald Trump.”

(Deadbolts door)

“Honey! Quick, hide the kids! An anti-vaccine lunatic is here!”

“Oh Jesus!”

“Hurry! Take them into the basement.”

“Aren’t you coming?”

“I have to make sure you’re safe.”

“No, please! Come with us!”

“Mommy!”

“This is my responsibility. I am your wife. I am their mother…Please, I love you. What type of mother would I be if I let some anti-vax nut near our kids?”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you so much. Go, please.”

(Husband and kids begin down stairs to basement, wife prepares to close basement door, husband looks up at her one last time)

“I’ll pray for you.”

“Pray for all of us.”

(Wife closes door, returns to entry hall, Donald is still knocking)

“Hello? You there? This is no way to treat Donald Trump! This is a lot like the time Dennis Rodman was on my hit show. He came into the boardroom and I said—.”

“Please, just go away.”

(Beat)

“I have no where else to go.”

(Beat)

(Wife opens door)

“Come in. We’ll watch one episode. Just until the doctors arrive to take you back to the hospital.”

“Want to see pictures of my resorts?”

“Sure, grandpa. Sure.”

The end.

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AN IMPORTANT UPDATE

We’re falling behind our online fundraising goals and we can’t sustain coming up short on donations month after month. Perhaps you’ve heard? It is impossibly hard in the news business right now, with layoffs intensifying and fancy new startups and funding going kaput.

The crisis facing journalism and democracy isn’t going away anytime soon. And neither is Mother Jones, our readers, or our unique way of doing in-depth reporting that exists to bring about change.

Which is exactly why, despite the challenges we face, we just took a big gulp and joined forces with the Center for Investigative Reporting, a team of ace journalists who create the amazing podcast and public radio show Reveal.

If you can part with even just a few bucks, please help us pick up the pace of donations. We simply can’t afford to keep falling behind on our fundraising targets month after month.

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