Domestic Violence: A Special Report
News: Underfunded shelters. Unenforced restraining orders. Will cops, Congress, and the Supreme Court leave women with no safe haven?
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No Safe Haven
In the coming months, Congress and the Supreme Court will signal whether we are advancing in our fight against domestic violence, or in retreat
The Unforgiven
Shelley Hendrickson killed her abusive husband and went to jail. Then an old friend began a campaign to free her -- and 10 other women.
The Counselor
Patricia Prickett set out to beat the violence and ended up in the belly of the beast, working with the LAPD.
P L U S :
Unintended Consequences: same sex marriage law and domestic violence
Domestic Violence: The Numbers
(Sources)
Resources for Getting Involved
Illustration by: Dan Page
I moved across country and began anew. Several months later he (ex-husband) hired a Private Investigator and tracked me down. Said he could not live without me and would never harm me again. He had already received follow-on orders to a nearby base after his short tour in Korea. Now, the military considered me the abuser, then why would he the 'victim' want to hire a PI and the remarry me? He found me with intent. I was working 2 jobs and attending night school and rebuilding my life. I refused to remarry him. The harrassing phone calls began and he even contacted my employer(s) and told them about my discharg to control me. I remarried him b/c I thought it would keep me employed and not having to look over my shoulder constantly.
When he returned from Osan to Shaw AFB, we bought a home and after a few months the abuse began. He did not like me furthering my education, so he had an affair with a neighbor. When he went TDY he had affairs. I confronted him and he promised it would never happen again and we were reassigned to Lackland AFB, TX. He was promoted to E-9 (CMSgt) and assigned to the HQ AFSFC. Things were OK at the new assignment, yet after 6 mths I discovered he had been searching for sex partners on the internet and discovered that he was trolling to meet women, men, and groups at his TDY locations. I reported to military and the IG, yet received a letter stating there was no proof of abuse nor adultery. The USAF/IG said that it was a civilian matter.
It is of my opinion and belief that the military will protect those in a position of power. I divorced him again in 2003.
I discovered that my ex-husband's security forces 'buddies' had given him advice how to beat the system and punish me for his abuse. Several of his security forces 'buddies' had been married at least 2X, some as much as 4X. My ex-husband had a DUI. I later discovered that some the men legally stalking me had 2 DUIs each and were allowed to retire as SMSgt (E-8).
Four (4) domestic violence shelters later the abuse still does not stop. I see his dating ads on the internet crawling for group sex with men and women. He retired as an E-9 (CMSgt) and remarried. The marriage lasted only a year. He works as a contractor and even though 1200 miles apart, the stalking does not stop. Windows are broken, vehicle damaged, property damage, phone calls, appointments are made in my name and receive angry calls for having not shown, horse and pets endangered, etc.
I now have a security system, cognizant where I park and keep notes (notebook), a camera handy, warn neighbors, changed locks to key pads with security codes, etc. I'm 'physically' safe, yet don't feel safe.
To this day I still question why does the military allowed this to happen? Why was I punished for his abuse and adultery?
I was a fierce woman,and gave him many, many arguments, difficult times,and found so much inner strength to fight against the constant emotional abuse. However, I was not fierce enough to protect my eldest son. I am recovering, but now as a 33 year old, my son suffers from terrible depression, and has moved into substance abuse and alcholism too.
I feel enormous guilt ... all the time ... just guilt.
I am from Australia, and my escape came in 1999, when I left my home and country to live in Thailand. Now ... the government of Australia recognises that emotional and financial abuse have the same standing as physical abuse -- that is, any form of violence is against the law. Instead of leaving my home, I could have taken out an Intervention Order on my husband, and remained home.
But ... that was not meant to be.
My youngest son, benefitted from the 'divide and rule' philosophy of my former husband, and so he does not want to have much in the way of contact with me. He is I think he has become a person similiar to those described by: caught in the trap October 19, 2007 5:29:41 PM
It is awful for me to say this, but I kind of think of my youngest son as a: coward, because he must see and know what has been done to his mother and brother?? I feel as if he is perpetrating another round of violence against me. Since he has become a Father himself, he uses the distance between us to keep me uniformed as to her growth, maturity, milestones etc. No photos are sent to me. She is to be a weapon too -- a way of punshing me for leaving, for being strong, independent and courageous.
Domestic violence is a heinous crime, and it requires a TOTAL response from law makers, community leaders, doctors, lawyers, the police -- and the response must be that any form of violence is just unacceptable ... from bullying at school, to gang fights, to date rape to the beating of women and children (and men too).
I would be interested to read the novel by Andrea Ferrell titled Autumn Seclusion, but I am not much into non-fiction.
Time ... being far, far, far away from the abuser, feeling the strong presence of my Higher Power, good friends, prayer, the realisation of my dignty and self worth, anti-depressant & anti-anxiety medication -- have all helped. What has also helped to is reading about the emotional sides of post traumatic stress disorder. I have come to understand why it is that I have responded in ceratin ways.
I have remarried also to a darling man -- Mr Kindness and Good Listener himself. So, I will not end my days unhappily. However, I would really love for my grand daughter to know that her grand mother was a tough B****, who took no prisoners!!!! I want her to be critical and tough too.
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When will this stop? when will he leave me alone? Why won't he leave me alone? It's not like I can sell my home, find a new job, move out of country, or give up my pets. Is that what he wants? To continue to separate me from that which I love?
God, please make it stop! Please, please, please.
I've been suicidal b/c he won't leave me alone. Thought if I were dead, it would be over. (Those suicide hotlines don't help at all, useless).
"he most recent "leg" of my "leaving" this man is that he took the children, held them truant a year [NO, it was a month, but it still was very distressing!], came up in court with a mournful expression (& totally different story than he told the police on taking them), and the judge bought it. . .
This same mediator then "blessed" my ex for his initiative by recommending he should keep our daughters.
Anyhow, I do believe taht some day there'll be another relationship. That faith sometimes keeps me going. I have met some fantastic people leaving. I feel sorry that they were so burdened (buffering my shocks). I haven't hugged either daughter in so long. . . . or almost anyone else. . . . >>... The other thing I wish to mention if you're in court, and hear the transcript, be very careful that what was said in court gets written up right. I've been tricked there, too. ...
There's a book about people leaving france during the war, called crossing the pyrrenees (mts). Author said, you just never give up, keep trying. a diff't book, "coming out from the ice" also spoke to me, about getting out of a certain country. he was a fighter, and he never gave up. . . .
I read everywhere, and this seems to be a good issue, i look forward to reading the rest of it.
...
Later, I followed my father's footsteps into the USAF. While stationed at Myrtle Beach AFB, two (2) men attempted to abduct me - they were drunk and called me horrible names. They were active duty and I have no idea who they were, I was afraid and thought no one would believe me - afterall after having been molested as a child as a military dependent. I did report the incident and my supervisor told me I should have kept my mouth shut. That I was from the south and was being racist. Later, to drown my sorrows I drank too much and my supervisor took advantage of me. I kept my mouth shut.
By that time my supervisor had two (2) DUIs at his present rank of SSgt (E-5). With those DUIs he later retired as a SMSgt (E-8).
I married a few years later to another USAF member. He had divorced because his ex-wife had an affair and became pregant. He discovered the affair when our commander told him that his wife was having an abortion at Weisbadden.
He became violent when he'd drink. He had affairs and would take money from my purse. He had an affair with his ex-wife (paramour) and bought her an engagement ring while on 30-days leave while we were stationed at Platsburgh AFB. He told me he was TDY and I believed him b/c we were assigned to two different units; thus, I had no access to his paperwork. Later I was given a special duty assignment to USSPACECOM/J36; however, my husband would be reassigned elsewhere. I wrote my Senator Strom Thurmond and asked that my husband be given an assignment near mine. He was assigned to Cheyenne Mountain Security Police. It was at this assignment that I discovered his affair with paramour (his ex-wife), the TDY lie, engagement ring, etc.
By that time I had received and attended counseling at two domestic violence shelters in Plattsburgh, NY and Colorado Springs, CO. I did not trust the military. When the abuse escalated, I filed charges and for divorce (for the 2nd time, I also filed in NY, yet we reunited b/c he said he'd never hurt me again and if I left him, he'd find me).
Then, instead of investigating him, the USAF OSI began an investigation of me. OSI agents took my personal mail without a Subpoena from my mailbox at my residence located off-base. OSI agents followed me to my divorce attorney's office off base. An OSI agent went to my bank (on Peterson AFB) and demanded to know how much money I had in savings (I was also under review for my TS SCI clearance and had indicated on my paperwork my financial info).
I was ordered by OSI to take a handwriting analysis. The OSI agent did not like the way I was writing, so he yelled at me and took my hand and forced me to write in a certain manner. It was later determined by the USAF that I had forged the paramour's handwriting. Had my hand not been held and forced to write in a certain manner I've always wondered what the outcome would have been.
I was appointed a military lawyer who relayed that there were tape recordings of me threatening the paramour. However, they were never able to prove that I called her. Which I did not. I was not allowed to listen to these tape recordings. However, my supervisor and another superior were. My supervisor was SMSgt Jarry, who at the time was divorcing his wife and did not want to pay her 1/2 of his military retirement. The other was CMSgt Willie German, who as also in the process of divorcing his wife. Together, they confirmed that it was my voice on tapes that I was never allowed to listen to.
Now I admit I'm no angel. Yet, while the above was taking place, the abuse and stalking did not stop. I moved about 5X to hide from my husband. He'd drive by my house, my vehicle was damaged several times, stolen license plates, broken windows, slashed tires, stolen mail, etc. I witnessed some of these incidents and reported to police, yet he'd have an 'alibi' each time.
It was years later that I discovered his best friend, CMSgt Raimondi, was instigating the OSI investigation and alibi's.
I cannot say how scared I was when after another move he discovered where I lived. I had learned to park my car and walk to the grocer a few blocks away. He must have been following me and I would take 1 of 3 routes to the new residence and park b/c I did not want to be seen on streets he may travel. So I would walk to the grocer and he was driving around the parking lot yelling my name. He was stalking me and the OSI was investigating me. I was so scared and could not (and still don't) understand why the institution I had been a member of (that being the USAF) was treating me so horribly. That which I had believed in, did not believe in me.
My squadron commander (Capt. Coyne, who is factually gay) informed me that I'd be court martialed b/c this would be my 2nd Article 15. I had recieved on as an Airman stationed at Metro Tango, USAF, while stationed in Germany. I said I was no angel, but I would not lie.
My husband said I was the abuser and I was ordered into anger management at the Famility Advocacy Center at Peterson AFB. I was physically bruised, healing from cuts after having been pushed down the stairs, and other physicaly injuries and emotional pain, and ordered into anger management! Mr. Walter Scott said it was because my husband cried and I did not. I now have some of the emails between Mr. Scott and my husband, indicating favoritism.
I was given an Article 15, reduced from E-5 to E-4, and given an general discharge under honorable conditions. The OSI notified the Colorado Springs DA, who then dropped charges against my husband, of whom I divorced.
My husband's paramour had stoken my identity and used my credit card in South Dakota, where she now lives with her 5th husband. I contacted that credit card company and was informed that OSI had contacted them (without my permission!).
I moved back to SC and lived with my mother after my discharge in 1997. My ex-husband was promoted to E-8 and put in for PCS orders to the base nearest me, Shaw AFB along with all bases within a few hours of my residence. He hired a Private Investigator to find me, too. The PI came to my work place -- I was so scared. During his TDY to NCO Leadership School in Alabama, he drove to SC and followed me to work. He begged me to remarry him, that he'd never hurt me again and would find me whereever I went.
I remarried him in 1998, he was reassigned to Shaw AFB, promoted to CMSgt (E-9) and then we moved to San Antonio in 2002. The abuse escalated after that promotion and PCS. The affairs, he'd surf the internet "trowling" for dates at his TDY locations. I reported same to the USAF and the IG and Familty Advocacy said there was no abuse. Two more domestic violence shelters and he divorced me in 2003.
He remarried a women he had met on the internet about a year later, that marriage only lasted for a year. He then began stalking me again from afar.
I hope it ends some day. To this day my grandfather (retired Col), my father (retired CMSgt) and myself will never understand why no one would help me and why false evidence was introduced that I was not allowed to have access. I have no confidence in the military nor DOD.
The system let me down and fully supported the good old boy system.
My ex-husband is Paul A. Harvey, CMSgt (retired) in La Vernia, TX.
Abuse cannot ever truly be escaped from.
He now calls himself Andrew Allen. Or is it Lindsay. I have been broke into had my phone tapped and made to sign a police statement with a future date saying that I have been dealing drugs. LITTLE DO THEY KNOW I WORK FOR THE ANTI CORRUPTION COMMISSION.
Glen Harcombe, David John Cauldwell were some of the names that he used.
Apparantly they have something to do with they show American Chopper. He is nothing more than a bully who delivers drugs all around the country.
They sell drugs to Blacks and Asians wait for them to get enough oney piled up drop off mre drugs and then report them to their cousin who is a Police Officer. Refer to Gillies aka JD/ jono.
He rides a Harley Davidson adn gets around thinking that he is the BOSS/RULER of the town. Yet behind his back they call him the town handbag.
Nobody likes him.
They have diverted my phone and made harrassing phone calls to me for the past two years. They currently work out of the NORFORCE BASE IN PORT HEDLAND AND BROOME. He is a nobody.
How do men like that get to wear a uniform that represents our flag ? Are we truly that desperate ?
"YOU ARE THE SMARTEST PERSON I KNOW" Was todays comment.
Yet he refuses to acknowledge that his daughter is on drugs because he [deleted]ed his own kid. She had a son.
He is a medium. His father was a soldier in the war and they kept a Japanese samurai sword for a souvenier and now he refuses to admit what he did to his own kid.
Recently his father was seen on foxtel bragging about " some of his men" cutting a dead japanese soldiers leg into slices and keeping it for souveniers and making necklaces out of it. I mean what sort of man does that ?
and if it is supposed to be a joke then it just goes to show then mentality of some people.
A very twisted individual indeed.
He has many nick names Big Rod, Gareth, Red Nuts, Wonder Nut. basicly he is not a very nice man,
His fathers name is Peter and his mothers name is Barbara Allen. Peter has been married three times (or so I was lead to believe).
I had him charged and in the courtroom he actually tried to quote me by saying "never tell anybody anything you dont want anyone else to know". he is a very sore looser and a spiteful person.
Shows definitate signs of a serious personality disorder. Compulsive liar who will stop at nothing to discredit anybody who is right when is wrong.
A very worrying situation given the fact that he thinks he is in a position of control. He is a know theif, recovering alcoholic and a former chronic gambler.
He is the type of person who used his "neice" to predict the future and give him the lotto numbers.
You are not alone the world is full of ex militants like the man you have described.
This man knows exactly what he is doing. I mean he know he is a medium and will use this to his own advantage to gain financial power. NO MORALS.
He was introduced to me by a girl called Jaslyn aka Amanda.
They have a very warped sense of humour.
Started a gang called the gypsy Jokers.
Any free psychiatrists ou there please call 0414 923 111.
Possible multiple personality disorder. Spends most of his time claiming to watch porn and wanking off. What is your name Richard, Peter, Andrew or Paul.
Children get fed and clothed by their parents to give them a good start in life not for thhem to blackmailed by their own familes. We paid for you to go to school so now you owe us for thhe rest of your life.
NO BETTER THAN THE THEIVING CRIMINALS IN PRISON.
Some people have the face and heart of an angel and will always be helped by others because thhey can see thier true colours. My pamily has some asian in them and I am constantly being reminded by cousins that they are older so they should get my stuff.
Bull[deleted] they are jealous of me.
I had a member of my own familt try to break my nose because she was jealous that I could sing and she couldnt. I had a personality that was honest and caring and they tried to destroy me.
SHE NOW WORKS AS A PROSTITUTE SELLING DRUGS FOR THE GANGS
They develope an unnatural relationship with their mothers. It a\borders on almost incestuous.
The same form of psychosis does not occur in a father daughter relationship.
Ask divorced couples to tell the truth. Was the real problem the jealousy between father and son or real conflict between husband and wife ?
In my honest opinion I would say that the problem would be between father and son.
I have had three relationships in my life all three of them were breast fed and had an unnatural bond with their mothers.
WARNING LADIES DO YOU WANT TO BREED A CLINGON THAT WILL GROW UP TO BE A WIFE BEATER OR DO YOU WANT TO BREED A MAN.
Babies sould only be breast fed untill they start to develope teeth.
Or thhe even healthier way is to feed them formula.
A survey was done on children that were breast fed and those that were given formula. The ones that were given formula grew up to become more independant and freethinking people.
Torturing your own children will leave you with nobody to care for you when you are old.
Tell me something would you want the child that you have TORTURED care for you when you are elderly.
If it has been done to a mother then she should not want to put her child through the same pain and suffering if she cannot see the error of her ways then she is an incompetant parent.
NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO OPERATE ON ANOTHER PERSON UNLESS IT IS A LIFE THREATENING SITUATION. This is a code of donduct followed by millions of medical professionals around the globe.
Women do not die from not being circumcised.
Stop the cruelty and get with the modern times.
You were born with your skin on so leave it where it is.
Doctors and medical staff are supposed to perform miracles not TORTURE PEOPLE.
I know that I would never let anybody do this to my child.
Have you or would you do it to yours.
Fathers need to have the decency to stand up to these barbaric practices and protect their daughters to destroy them.
Put an end to the barbaric medical procedures carried out by unqualified medical personell.
ANY WONDER THAT THE WORLD IS GOING MAD.