Gamma Quadrant Update

| Tue Oct. 14, 2008 11:26 PM EDT

GAMMA QUADRANT UPDATE....What's that, you say? Barack Obama is palling around with terrorists? That is so last week. Here's a more recent tour of the Gamma Quadrant:

One: Bill Ayers really wrote Obama's book, Dreams From My Father. Two: Obama had an underage, gay affair with a pedophile. Three: It's entirely possible that Obama was involved with bombing the South African rugby team while he was at Columbia in the 80s. Four: Obama, Bill Ayers, and Jeremiah Wright (via a chain of associations too Rube Goldbergesque to summarize) were engaged in a conspiracy to teach Pan-African "cultural nationalism" to Chicago schoolkids during the 90s. Five: Obama was having an affair with one of his fundraiser babes in 2004 until Michelle found out and banished the woman to a "little Caribbean island."

There's no evidence yet that Obama was actually the secret love child of Malcolm X, but I'm sure we'll find it soon enough if we just keep digging.