In Ironic Twist, Conservatives Finally Win War on Christmas But Kill Santa in the Process


Here’s the latest version of the Arctic meltdown, this time in cheerful Christmas colors:

For a while there, it looked like maybe things were heading back down to normal, but then a few weeks ago temps started spiking again. It’s now more than 30 degrees warmer than normal at the North Pole.

Data since 1958 is here. If you click through the years, you’ll see that the previous record was somewhere around 15 degrees above normal for maybe a week or two. Current Arctic temps are not only higher than they’ve ever been, but they’ve lasted for about four months so far. I am pretty sure this means Santa’s workshop has long since fallen through the thin ice and disappeared forever into the inky depths of the Arctic waters. Sorry about that, kids.