A Man's World
<i>Self-Made Man: One Woman’s Journey Into Manhood and Back Again</i> by By Norah Vincent. Viking. $24.95.
One night, on a dare, Norah Vincent dressed up as a guy and went out on the town. That voyeuristic, jarring glimpse of how the other half lives intrigued her, and a social experiment was born. For 18 months, Vincent donned a suit, glued on a 5 oclock shadow, and adopted a slow swagger to become Ned, a convincingly typical middle-aged guy. She then infiltrated exclusive male spaces from strip joints to a Catholic monastery to get an inside look at the intimate lives of men.
What she discovered was a rigid set of nearly universal rules that keep men from expressing weakness, need, or affection, lest they be seen as wimps, sissies, or gay. It may be a mans world, but touching each other or crying in public is still off-limits. Even when Ned went on a series of remarkably successful dates with women, he got mixed messages to be confident yet not cocky, down with feminism yet chivalrous. Only when Vincent revealed her disguise did things change. A bowling buddy confided in her about his marriage and after a monk warmly embraced her, she sighed with relief, See, now I can hug you. Women also let down their guard once the beard came off. I always thought you werent very hairy for a man, admits one of Vincents adamantly straight dates before hopping into bed with her.