2010 - %3, December

Crudbump Music Videos, Part I: The Holidays (NSFW)

| Fri Dec. 3, 2010 2:46 AM EST

In the holiday spirit, here's a video. Nothing heavy, just a bearded dog-loving hipster named Drew and his synthesizer giving you his (NSFW) yuletide philosophy:

We'll bring you his other short (NSFW) video, "F*** You Snow" (notice a trend?), in a bit. The single's available on his website. The YouTube channel's got some other interesting videos, like "This Dog Is Awesome." Just watch at your own risk.

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Julian Assange Sings! (And Raps!)

| Thu Dec. 2, 2010 7:21 PM EST

Over at McSweeney's, Ben Greeman has imagined some scenes from WikiLeaks! The Musical, in which a playground snub inspires the young Julian Assange to leak the impossible leak. In a moment that evokes both The Social Network and a Disney princess movie, Assange channels his frustrations and aspirations into song:

I'll dub myself Mendax
It means "noble liar."
I'll remake myself as a
High-tech town crier
When people attempt
To hide information
I will be the one
To compel revelation

In fact, the real-life Assange tried his hand at writing lyrics in 1995, when he penned "The Dan Farmer rap," a nerdy, profane, and homophobic rhyme about a rival digital security geek. Some selected verses, written under the handle "Proff":

I'm Dan Farmer, you can't fool me -
the only security consultant to be on MTV.

I've got long red hair - hey hands off man!
don't touch the locks of the mighty Dan.

AC/DC - from the front or from behind,
you can fuck my arse but you can't touch my mind.

Read the full rap after the jump. The Dan Farmer rap got mixed reviews, as Assange wrote a few days after its release: "[A]fter a rather hetic [sic] weak, I return to find my mail box stuffed with assorted flames, congratulations and occasional mis-directed but rational advice about my posting of 'The Dan Farmer rap'. Unfortunately flames outweighted the latter two categories by a 3:1 ratio—and I received a lot of endorsements." Though the rap was meant as good fun, he conceded that it might have been better to keep it…secret: "The DFR had been circulating in security circles for a week or so as an object of wry humor prior to its public release. In retrospect, this is probably where it should have stayed." Assange said his real mistake was assuming that a larger audience would appreciate his rhymes: "Such mistakes are ripe to happen when one is merry and full of wine in the wee hours of the morning."

Fortunately, Assange stuck to writing code. Though recently, he ventured into the studio for a cameo in an episode of the satirical Rap News, in which he attacked a rhyming rival who dared touch his hair. (Stick around until around 4:55.)

And for more Assange-inspired musical madness, check out MoJo cartoonist Mark Fiore's Disney-WikiLeaks mashup set to the tune of "It's a Small World."  

If You Read One "Burlesque" Review, Make it This One

| Thu Dec. 2, 2010 2:29 PM EST

Via Sasha, one of MoJo's Tumblr friends, our favorite 150 word summing-up of the Cher/Christina camp musical:

everything you think is going to happen in the movie does.  i mean EVERYTHING.  it is 200% predictable right down to Alan Cumming being in it. sarazona and i have a theory that he wasn’t even asked to be in it - he just like, smelled cabaret and showed up on set and it was far easier to just write him two lines and send him to a trailer than to have him escorted off set.

Mind you, this is from a positive review. Of a movie that's pulling a 35 percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. But the important thing is, Sasha pretty much nails it with Alan Cumming. He's like that creepy friend of yours who's perfectly harmless, yet still manages to freak the holy Christmas out of you by suddenly popping up breathing on your neck in a dark alley:

"Hi.""Hi." [Breathes.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


That
creepy. Still, like Burlesque itself, good luck not watching:

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