I Created Elmo, and Here's Proof!
Now where's my %$#@in' royalties!
You want proof? Ta-daaa.
My nine-year-old son pulled a poster tube out from behind his bed the other day. My mom had sent it a while back, but I never looked inside.
Turns out it contained this painting, which I did in July 1970, at age five, before Elmo existed.
I hereby claim 17 percent of gross proceeds from all Elmo licensing and merchandising, retroactively and hereafter.
Hello, 1 percent!
And now, back to substantive journalism.