Lincoln
DreamWorks Studios
150 minutes

Spoiler alert: He dies at the end.

You can thank me later for spoiling the ending and therefore hopefully zapping your desire to see the movie. If that is the case, I've prevented you from blowing 10 dollars on this listless, heaving waste of cinema space.

For a figure so towering, so revered and reviled as Abraham Lincoln, the bar for a great biopic is almost unreachably high. But this particular Lincoln had Pulitzer Prize-winning Tony Kushner signed on as screenwriter. It's based on (also Pulitzer Prize-winning) historian Doris Kearns Goodwin's 2005 book Team of Rivals. Instead of documenting Lincoln's entire life, the movie zeroes in on a handful of months leading up to the hard-won passage of the 13th Amendment, the Civil War's end, and the president's assassination. The large cast includes Daniel Day-Lewis, Tommy Lee Jones, David Strathairn, Sally Fields, Jackie Earle Haley, James Spader, and pretty much every other estimable actor working in Hollywood today and their mothers. Also, Steven Spielberg is directing. (Say what you want about his recent, franchise-ruining output; he's still the man who helmed this, this, and this.)

The sheer amount of talent invested in Lincoln only serves to underscore and exacerbate the film's epic fail.

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If you spent much time on MotherJones.com over the last few days you probably noticed our homepage looked a little different than usual. Election Day was a culminating event for the reporters and editors here, who've been busting their humps to cover the long-running campaign, from the GOP primary circus to the conventions to the voter suppression tactics and problems at polling places on Tuesday. So we went big and splashed the homepage with a touch of tabloid—including a moment of particular pride around here, after Obama officially clinched 47 percent of the vote and then some. You can see all our headlines from Election Day, starting with "Endless Lines" and proceeding in chronological order, in the GIF below. Thanks for spending this election cycle with us. You guys are the best.

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It's Election Day's eve, and even as voters are raring up to perform their patriotic duty, polls taken as recently as last week show a small percentage of registered voters who are still undecided about who they will choose for president.

To which any reasonable person might ask, REALLY!? Do these people not have access to a TV or computer? Do they lack a radio? Or a phone? Or a freaking mailbox!? Is it that they are uninformed about the issues? We're baffled, honestly.

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