Returning from Iraq, the Damage Done - 7

Alan Jermaine Lewis
AGE 23; MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN

Machine gunner in the Army's 3rd Infantry Division. Wounded July 16, 2003, in Baghdad, when the Humvee he was driving hit a land mine.

I remember every detail about my legs. Every detail from the scars to the ingrown toenails to the birthmarks to the burn marks. I made it a habit, even before I joined the military, to cherish every part of my body, because I would always look at it like, "What if this finger was gone, would I be able to function without it?" I don't know why. Maybe it was God's way of preparing me for what was going to happen.

I've always thought about death—just growing up in Chicago and living out here in this world. I had a friend when I was six years old, his name was Charles. He was shot in the head—I think it was a stray bullet. My oldest sister was killed by a stray bullet when I was just a couple of months old, and my father was killed when I was seven. He was being robbed. So death has always been around.

I'm actually glad that I did the military the way I did—that I lived in the world for a couple of years—because I never would have known what it would be like to live on my own and be able to have parties at my house and own a car and do things like that.

I've always wanted to go into education and become a teacher but they just don't make enough to survive off of. So I figure with my disability now, and the money I'll get from the government, I can use that plus the money I'll get from being a teacher and live comfortably. So I want to go to college and study education.

I've been dealing with the military since I was a sophomore in high school. They came to the school like six times a year. They had a recruiting station like a block from our high school. It was just right there. I could have gotten any job I wanted in the military. But my idea of a solider is hard-charging, the guy with the guns. So I didn't want to go into the military and do anything else besides that -- I signed up for infantry.

The reasons for going to war were bogus but we were right to go in there. Saddam was a bad guy. But the Purple Heart was one thing I never wanted. The Secretary of the Army gave it to me.