Makes you want to get out a violin and play a sad song, doesn't it? Someone needs to write an article cautioning women not marry career men: They don't come home until late, they are too tired to do housework, they don't have time to spend with the children, and they don't have much energy left for their wives.

Forbes writer Elizabeth Corcoran has written a rebuttal to Noer's piece: Don't Marry Lazy Men, which you can find here: http://www.forbes.com/home/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html

I agree with Diane, however Mark Remy had the best weigh-in on this whole hubub this morning.

What about Professional strippers?

I just can't believe the crap about no time for the wife ,children etc.I get up every morning @ 3:15 go to work at 5:00 work until 3:00 then come home and take my kids to sports practice until 8:00 then go back at it same thing 5 days a week spend the weekend with the family including my wife she works fulltime also but we split the chores and the dinners .So don't tell me it can't be done!!!! Jon

Jon,
You are to be admired for meeting your full potential, but you are also not the norm. I am thirty-one and have only in the last few years developed a rewrding relationship with my father, because his career, along with a long and tiring commute from a country farm into the washington metropolitan area, drained him of time, warmth and caring.
On another note, no one individual, regardless of gender, should allow career to stand in the way of fostering loving relationships with their family. If your career supercedes your capacity to nurture other people at home, than you probably aren't really the right person to have a family, male or female. And there's nothign wrong with that, either. One problem as I see it is that not enough men and women really analyze whether or not children or a commited relationship is right for them; it just isn't for everyone.

Thanks for your comments Paul, and envisioning beyond the Forbes article (particularly for encouraging us to do what it takes to create environments that "foster loving relationships".) A guiding question might be "What fits and when?" It seems that what is too often lacking in life is a sustained intentional effort to discern what is most fitting and called for at a deeper level. (And we need communities - blogoshere or wherever they can be found/created - that can hear and honor that journey.) It is so easy in our driven culture to slip into numbing addictions (with or without drugs) &/or polarizing reactions. They cloud our vision, whereas the fostering of "loving relationships" can open such fresh clarity.

My wife and i married while in college. After some travel and further studies, we both had meaningful jobs. Eventailly (17 years after we married!) we discerned we were ready for kids. By the time our first child was 8 mos old, our familiar rhythms had changed so radically that we decided to simplify expenses so we could better honor the sacred trust. With that, my vocation changed to that of a stay at home dad or "homeholder". It's a difficult delight. Witnessing the free play of our 6 & 7 year old girls is too deep for words. I also do a lot of volunteer work to help nurture community as it fits with care and nuture at home. It's not so much about who does it, but it HAS to happen. How can "fostering loving relationships" happen in the home community and beyond? Our country needs that so much more than it's addiction to "Gross National Product." The world needs us to help lead the way, but we're too often too busy to see and hear in that deeper way.

I had a prolonged struggle with cancer when I was a child in the 1970's. What i learned then, i believe is still true. Life can be hard. And life is good when we open ourselves up and have eyes to see. Ultimately I believe it's a soulful, spiritual thing. I highly recommend two books by Parker Palmer. "Let Your Life Speak" and "Hidden Wholeness" can be wonderful helps to "live into the questions." Peace be with you...

Thanks, Len, for your perception on this. It is something special to get beyond what society expects from us in terms of performance and to find what works for us, those we love and the wreath of trust we count on daily in our contacts. You were able to find a truth through your experience that enriches your life and that of your daughters. Hopefully they will be able to pass this gift on, not because of gender expectation, but because it matters. There are many things on this blog and others that tap into what we expect as jaded people, and too little that inspire us to live fully. I'm glad I revisited the archives to read what you had written.