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When Feminism Means Knowing How Just Screwed You Are

Kids are so ungrateful. Mine decided to get sick during Iowa and New Hampshire. If you haven't 'slept' in two day old clothes on a 'Mom barcolounger' on the peds ward next to your mysteriously sick child, sans toothbrush, you just don't know misery. I'm only just now trying to make sense of it all, the whole 'future of our nation' thing. Having been news deprived during such a pivotal time, I have a new appreciation for why Josephine Average is either so disgusted with us (the media) or so overwhelmed that she just watches reality TV instead. What a goat rope. A few things jump out, though.

We're stiiiill doing the "big hypocrite feminazi Hilary is riding her husband's coat tails" thing. I guess Eleanor Roosevelt did, too. Even in those days, homegirl could have gotten elected to something, if any woman could - would that be coat tailing, too? Lordy I'm sick of this particular sack-o-crap. Let's unravel this little mental do-si-do, shall we? Identifying as a feminist means:

A) You hate men, children, marriage, heterosexual sex
B) You reject anything traditionally gendered (stay at home mothering, etc.)
C) you put yourself first, always and only
D) if your husband cheats on you, you must divorce him immediately.
E) you can't take a back seat to your husband for the good of the family unit, not for even a moment, not even to raise your kids while he gets famous, then leverage the success you made possible for him to your own advantage. No matter how worthy you are in your own right.
Define the terms, control the debate. And, oh yeah, 'Iron my shirts'.

Anne Applebaum, whom I usually find so bracing at Slate, shocked me with this:

There is no escaping the fact that Hillary chose the most traditional path to power. I certainly wouldn't want her as a model for any of the young women I know. "Get into Yale Law School - and then find an upwardly mobile spouse." What kind of advice is that?

Wow.

Fortunately, the other "XX" bloggers at Slate have fired back with passion and reason, but what is it with women hatin' on other powerful, ambitious women? Hilary chose the "traditional path to power"? She chose to painfully sublimate her own personal desires for the good of her marriage and family. I only know about a million smart, talented, ambitious feminist women hiding their lights under a 'husband basket,' wiating either for his career to catch up or for their kids to get older. Feminism often means understanding just how inescapable gender roles are. Unless, of course, you're one of the few women to whom the above actually applies.

Are we to believe Hilary knew Bill would be so successful and that she couldn't? Or, even less believably, than she was willing to work for? Hilary was a star long before she met Bubba and there was no reason to believe she didn't see her professional future as unlimited. For women, especially in the 1970s, it's having a personal life that's the problem, the unknown, the uncontrollable. Thank God that little problem doesn't exist anymore. She didn't gamble on Bill becoming a star. She gambled that she still could, once she'd gotten her family squared away. If all she'd wanted was her Mrs. why not just plant flowers along the highway like Lady Bird Johnson, or tout child literacy, the stuff of traditional First Wives? She could have been the Hostess with the Mostest but what she wanted was to find out what she was made of. Instead of applauding her for standing by her man and waiting for her turn, instead of women acknowledging that most of us have been there and done that, we pretend fat meat aint greasy. She isn't a feminist (i.e. selfish, man-child hater.) She's a hypocrite. As for staying with a man who humiliated you with his hoochies - how rare. Women neeeever do that.The same conservatives who want to outlaw divorce condemn her for not setting his saxophone on fire and locking him out of the White House. God forbid they might check to see whether the operative definition of feminism is the problem here. But if we did that, we'd have no way of blaming the victim; damned for being traditional, damned for merely thinking non-traditionally. Iron those shirts with a smile on your face.

There's hypocrisy here. It aint Hilary's.

Occam's Razor, y'all. Sometimes the simplest explanation is the explanation. Unless understanding isn't really what we're up to. She didn't sell feminism out, she sold herself out, like most women do. She put her own needs and wants on the backburner. For her husband. For her daughter. For her family. If you think your wife didn't do it for you...well, let's just go with that.






Comments

this is somewhat tangential to the post, but what i think is so fascinating about the mounting criticism against hilliary clinton is that when bill was president, everyone complained that it was really hillary running the white house from behind the scenes (remember "billary"?). now that she's in front, they act like he's the one who's really in charge and accuse her of riding his coattails. there are a lot of fair reasons to criticize hillary clinton, her campaign, and her policies, unfortunately these are not the arguments that rise to the surface.

Posted by: jaime on 01/11/08 at 9:50 AM  Respond

This is in response to debbie and jaime,you to must be so bored,who want`s to hear your crap?...steve

Posted by: steve on 01/11/08 at 10:41 AM  Respond

This is in response to steve,

THE READERS

Posted by: Eh on 01/11/08 at 11:21 AM  Respond

I really wish people would stop trying to find fault in Hilary's attempt at the Presidency. She's a great lady - accomplished, intelligent, and compassionate. She's been over-scripted until lately and I think she forms her opinions based on what different groups will think rather than what she believes. So what if it's obvious that she has been engineering this run since Bill left office. Why is that a bad thing? Cheer her for being ambitious.

Even with my respect for her, I'd still rather like to see Obama be President. I just think that he's got a better vision. You can augment some of his NATIONAL inexperience with others (a mix of Beltway Insiders and others).

Hilary is great, but it seems like she took the setbacks from the '90s and became a machine politician. At this point, we need MUCH more than that. Still, I hope that she would be part of the Administration.

And, if she is the nominee, I'd vote for her with ten times the gusto that John Kerry inspired in me. With Obama, it's 100 times. :)

Posted by: Chris on 01/11/08 at 11:29 AM  Respond

ARGH! Who cares? Am I the only one in the country who's sick of Presidential election coverage that's based on personalities or horse races?

The pointlessness of the horse race story is obvious to anyone with half a brain, but reporters/pundits keep filing them, and consumers keep consuming them.

Some might argue that Character Counts (TM), i.e. if you get a person with the right character in the office, things will go well. I don't think you can draw conclusions about character from events that are 10 years in the past. All but the most ossified personalities grow as they mature. And few but the most dramatic and well understood events can give you the slightest glimpse into a stranger's character.

Could we put aside who we'd like to have a beer with and who's most likely to win and pick a President based on what they intend to do with the office?

Posted by: Mike on 01/11/08 at 2:35 PM  Respond

Soooooo, how about the free College education she wanted to give all the visiting felons children from Mexico. Hmmm? Who's going to PAY for that one? China Maybe? How about that free trade agreement her husband signed, you know, the one that's bringing poisoned goods to our nation, FROM CHINA!? The same guy that OK'ed Ruby Ridge and the massacre at the Branch Davidians compound in Waco TX? You know, the assault-gun ban 'feller. Back in the White House... Yeah, feminism...

Posted by: Daniel on 01/11/08 at 2:42 PM  Respond

I can know it

Posted by: FX on 01/11/08 at 10:57 PM  Respond

Being a feminist means that you get called a B...h for saying and doing things that a man gets called powerful for doing and saying. Hilary is the best candidate for the job hands down, and if she were a man there would be no arguement there. However I agree that being Bills wife did escalate here to the position she is in now...ironic maybe....
Unfortunatly I have no right to vote as I am not American. I cannot however understand the way Americans vote (the shock still shows on my face for voting Mr. Bush to a second term) The only other resonable candidate seems to be Obama, and while his carisma and charm are lovely I have yet to understand what the "change" will be. Every potential democratic leader will be critcised for what and who they are...usually the things they cannot change, like age, religion, sex, and experience...Hilary is a woman she will be called a lot of names that are unflatering but hey she's a woman she can take it, we all have been for years.
You can't have a thin skin and be a polotician.

Posted by: Ginger on 01/12/08 at 3:01 AM  Respond

I agree that this election seems to be about nebulus crap like religion, hair, clevage, pantsuits, charisma, crap that has nothing to do with digging our country out of the financial and Iraq mess. But as far as Clinton and Obama are concerned I admire their desire to take on the steaming pile of shit that they will wade through into the Whitehouse. Whomever is elected will be blamed for losing in Iraq and the ecomomic meltdown looming on the horizon. And as far as women hatin on other women, it's what we do. When you hate yourself, as a lot of women do, you hate others like you. As women we overwhelmingly, hate our bodies, our hair, our spouses, and when you don't feel good about yourself it's easy to project that dissatisfaction onto other women.

Posted by: poonchkie on 01/12/08 at 6:48 AM  Respond

I loved the article.
Finally a smart woman defending another smart woman.
What's with all the women hating in this country?
The same people who say feminism isn't needed are the same people who bash women's abilities. It's so stupid really.


Posted by: Agnes Flanczewski on 01/14/08 at 4:58 PM  Respond

For all you morons(you know who you are), the name is spelled with two "l"s, it is Hilliary, not Hilary. What a bunch of morons that can't even spell the name that you are talking about. Oh, excuse me, I am sorry, Black folk just can't spell her name, much less vote for her.

Posted by: Prof Wigglesworth III on 01/14/08 at 8:16 PM  Respond

It's very difficult for young women to know exactly what the conditions were - of the era of Hillary when she left school. And like blacks, women are not anxious to revisit those days, even in memories on print. But they could, and it would not look so very different from the accounts offered by blacks or other racial minorities.

That America is no further along on the gender issue than it is may mean they will have to give those recounts to be believable - just as blacks have been.

Most women would prefer to look forward, not backward for the answers. But that may not be as possible as they "hoped." Hope and dreams don't always reign supreme, especially without properly recognizing the gap between lack of hope and the articulation of hope.

In response to the article posted about feminism and know just how screwed you are, most women are well familiar with it. Some choose to try and ignore it in the interests of progress. Others can't stand the pain of the memories. Repressed memory is often the only option for women or blacks alike.

Posted by: Pat on 01/16/08 at 12:41 PM  Respond

FX

Posted by: FX on 06/22/08 at 6:24 PM  Respond

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