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The Unforgiven

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One of the successes of the domestic violence movement has been its ability to publicize the plight of battered women serving prison time for crimes related to their abuse. Since 1978, the nation's governors have granted clemency to more than 125 women convicted of killing (or ordering the killing of) their abusers. The largest group of clemencies took place in Ohio in 1990, when Governor Richard Celeste commuted the sentences of 25 women, explaining that they were "victims in a profound way and were prevented from giving evidence…essential to a jury's being able to reach a sound verdict." When he was governor of Missouri, John Ashcroft granted clemency in 1992 to two women who said they'd killed their husbands in self-defense.

The subject of domestic violence has receded from the headlines in recent years, but the numbers suggest it's still a major social problem. While services for battered women—including hot lines and shelter beds—have increased dramatically, there are still not enough; 4,237 adults and children were turned away from domestic violence shelters in Missouri last year because there was not enough space, according to Colleen Coble. Even when services are available, some women are too terrified to use them. Fleeing from a batterer can actually increase the violence a woman faces; many of the 1,202 women killed by their husbands or boy- friends in the U.S. in 2002 were murdered after they'd already escaped from their homes.

While Joe Church was the catalyst for Missouri's latest clem- ency movement, his own priority was always the same: to get clemency for Shelley. Neither he nor the lawyers he had enlisted had any idea how long their fight would go on. All they really had was an unshakable belief that Shelley and many other women who had killed their abusers never deserved the harsh punishments they'd received.

Joe Church, Shelley's friend and advocate, in his Morgan Stanley office
Joe Church, Shelley's friend and advocate, in his Morgan Stanley office

SHELLEY POVIS GREW UP in St. Ann, a blue-collar suburb west of St. Louis. When she was 17 and a senior at Mercy High, she began dating Rodney Hendrickson. She liked the fact that he was almost four years older. He hung out with her uncle and cultivated a bad-boy persona, growing his hair long and zooming around town on a motorcycle. According to the neighborhood grapevine, he had smacked around his last girlfriend. Shelley's mother, Mickie, tried to dissuade her from dating him, but Shelley wouldn't listen. "He's really not a bad guy," she said.

Shelley and Rodney got married in 1980, when she was 21. She worked as a waitress; he got a job with the gas company. From the beginning, he kept her under surveillance. He would check on her all the time, calling or stopping by her job to make sure she was there. He also paid close attention to her appearance. If he thought another guy was checking her out, he'd get angry. Soon he was picking out her clothes for her—always modest items that would discourage other men. "I thought it was kind of neat," Shelley recalls. "I thought, wow, this guy wants to pick out my clothes. He really loves me."

Rodney was a heavy drinker, and when he got drunk he could become aggressive. Occasionally he would smack Shelley, or grab her and shake her. "A lot of it I thought was my fault," she says. It was impossible to predict when he'd lose his temper. She could be sitting next to Rodney watching television, and the next thing she knew he would be hitting her. After each fight, he apologized and tried to win her back. "He'd buy me gifts and flowers," she says. "There would be periods when he would treat me like a queen."

Eight years into the marriage, Shelley decided she'd had enough of Rodney's drunken rages. By now they had three children. She moved out, taking the children with her.

At first Rodney didn't know where she'd gone, but after four weeks he tracked her down at a shelter for battered women. She walked out the back of the shelter one day, and there he was, sitting in his truck. "You need to come home now," he told her. "If you don't go in there and get your stuff, I'm going to go in and get it." As usual, he made promises about how he had changed, how he was drinking less, how he wouldn't hit her anymore. Shelley and the children moved back into their house.

In the years that followed, Rodney warned Shelley never to run away from him again. "He told me if I ever left again, he would hunt me down," she says. She knew him well enough not to take this threat lightly. When she'd been at the shelter, he'd called her mother all the time, begging for information about where she was. Shelley worried that if she ever left Rodney again, she'd put not only herself and the children at risk, but her mother, too.

She hid these fears from her family, just as she had hidden the evidence of Rodney's abuse. She tried hard to project the image of a happy marriage, avoiding her relatives whenever she had a black eye or a bruise. "When we had a barbecue planned and I talked to her the day before, she'd say, 'Yeah, I'm going to bring the potato salad.' And everything was fine," her mother recalls. "That would be Saturday. And Sunday morning she'd call and say one of the kids was sick, or she was sick, or she just didn't show up."

During the summer of 1993, the Missouri and Mississippi rivers overflowed. It was the most devastating flood in recent history and damaged more than 55,000 homes, including Rodney and Shelley's. The entire interior of their house was destroyed, filled with slime and river water. Now they had four children and nowhere to live. They moved into Shelley's mother's basement for a few months, then into a tiny apartment, which was all they could afford. The stress mounted. Shelley and the children spent hours in emergency relief lines, trying to get free clothes or building materials. Rodney worked days driving a delivery truck, then at night rebuilding the house.

In November 1993, Shelley got a job as a weight-loss consultant. One day she showed up with a bruise stretching from one ear, across her throat, and all the way to her other ear. Another time her boss saw a dark spot the size of a dinner plate on Shelley's thigh. At first Shelley blamed her own clumsiness, but eventually she told the truth. When her boss urged her to leave Rodney, Shelley said she was afraid that if she did, he would hunt her down and kill her.

Shelley and Rodney moved back into their house in the summer of 1994, after living elsewhere for nearly a year. By now, they never seemed to have any good days anymore. Rodney had stopped trying to woo her back with gifts every time he hit her. "I wouldn't even get an 'I'm sorry,'" she says.

One day in the fall of 1994, he threatened her with a hunting knife. Afterward she hid the knife; Rodney became furious. "He had me up against the wall, choking me, telling me that I better have his knife when he got home from work or he was going to kill me," she says. Shelley pleaded with him to let her leave with the kids, but her words only made him more angry. "None of you are leaving," he said. "I'd rather see you all dead than leave."

Their 11-year-old daughter, Ashley, overheard this argument. After Rodney left the house to go to work, Ashley said something Shelley found very disturbing. "She told me that he would come in and go to the bathroom when she was in the bathtub and watch her," Shelley says.

The following week, on October 29, Shelley drove to Kmart and bought a 12-gauge shotgun.


Photos: Susan Meiselas/Magnum



 

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What's so sad is this: If the legal system had done its job of protecting this woman (arresting the abuser), and if the justice system had laws that were meaningfully effective (i.e., don't charge him with "domestic violence, charge him with "attempted murder"), she would never have even thought about shooting him. But the ways things are, the reality of a woman living with a batterer, is that 1) he is bigger/stronger than you so that you can not leave while he's there 2) he will hunt you down if you manage to get away while he's gone 3)there is no real help 4)so the decision that must be made is: Since I can't get help, I have to take the chance of killing him and getting acquitted or losing my life (and children)to a life behind bars. In this day and age, in this country, why do women have to make this decision?
Posted by:Karen MartinJune 6, 2007 1:08:57 PMRespond ^
I am shellys youngest daughter. I would first like to say that no one really knows what happened. My father was not a horrible person like everyone is making him out to be and what i dont understand is that if you didnt know him why are you calling him abussive. You people only have one side of the story so my opinion to you people is mind your own business and stop calling my father an abusser and a horrible person because my mother lied about that so get your facts straight, let her serve the time that she diserves for killing mine and my brothers and my sisters dad. Also you need to not post anything else about what happened because everything that you write is a lie because you don't know the story and we are the ones that have to live with it so once again i am saying this is no ones business but mine and my brothers and my sisters. If you have anything else to say about my dad call me and tell me and i will let you know what i think about it.
Posted by:Brittney HendricksonAugust 1, 2007 11:18:45 AMRespond ^
bravo to both of you.But there is verbal beatings of the mind that children are not aware of or recognize until you are an adult. These comments that are made are sneaky and strip someone slowly of their self worth before you know it.When you are brought down to the other persons level you unfortunately act in many unbecoming ways because you are reprogrammed on auto pilot to respond and survive to the other's cues.And that way they have succeeded in cutting you from the herd.
Posted by:H R ROctober 1, 2007 9:56:57 PMRespond ^
To Brittney - Hold onto what good memories you have. It's not been easy for you. I think what people are trying to say is to look for someone who has your best interest in mind All THE TIME and would never hurt you. I wish you the best in life. Good Luck PS There is lots of good help if you ask
Posted by:FreedpatriotOctober 7, 2007 12:05:08 PMRespond ^
Brittney, I don't know what happened all those years ago. Iif you were only 5 at the time, then most of what you know about the truth is what people have told you. I do know your mother, though. I am part of a Christian ministry that has been visiting the prison in Vandalia for years and Shelly has been a faitful participant in our church services through most of that time. She is not the same person she was then. She is kind, compassionate, and a real helper of other women in need. Hopefully you can get to know the real her sometime soon when her time is up. My wife and I pray for you and Shelly's other kids all the time. Shelly is so proud of all of you, and longs to share her faith and God-given peace with you.
Posted by:TROctober 16, 2007 12:11:58 PMRespond ^
I do no tblame Shelley for what she did, one can only take so much abbuse. If she wouldn't have done what she did, who knows maybe she wouldnt be her to tell her story today. Maybe this is the only way she felt she could be freed. She might be more freed now then she ever was in those 20 years with her husband. And to her daughter, how can you say that nothing ever happened to your mother when police in her city have photos of the night that everthing happened. Photos say more than words. You dont know what happened before you were born how do you know that your mother was never abused. you should kind of think of this has your mother did it for you and your siblings because who kinows what else your ABBUSIVE father was capable of.
Posted by:Cythia AlvarezOctober 30, 2007 2:57:04 PMRespond ^
Having a mother that suffered domestic abuse and being the one that always defended her, I saw how desperate my mother got. My younger brothers saw it too, but as adults have refused to put a stop to it. They just dont want to get involve or they pretend like they dont remember. It is easier to blame her for what he has done. As children we might not understand why things happen. As for Brittney, I am very sorry that she has had to grow up without her parents. For those of us who had terrible fathers or mothers wish to have grown up without them. All I can say one day she will be a mother and God forbid she goes through the same situation, but maybe then she will be able to the pieces together.
Posted by:Riverside, CAOctober 30, 2007 2:57:52 PMRespond ^
If the killer had been the husband, and the abuse was coming from an alcoholic or mentally ill woman, he'd have got life for killing her. Or death. Not 10 years. Self-defence requires that there be an immediate risk of serious harm or death, not a "pattern". There are other routes out of an abusive relationship besides murder when such a pattern exists, and it's unfortunate that Mrs. Hendrickson didn't choose one of those instead of committing murder and then attempting to lie about it. As tragic as her case surely is, if we want to make any kind of meaningful dent in the problem of domestic violence in other families, we need to start treating it as a multi-causal phenomenon rather than a gender problem. Women commit approximately 50% of reciprocal domestic violence and 71% of non-reciprocal domestic violence according to a massive CDC study published this year: http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/42/15/31-a?eaf Yet the only services and intervention programs available automatically treat women as victims and men as offenders, just as this article is doing (despite the protests from the victim's daughter here in the comments), and there are essentially no services for abused men. Such programs do absolutely NOTHING to reduce violence in the home, and I should know: I grew up in a home with an abusive woman. Until we start treating violence properly, more people will continue to suffer and die. Brittney, I'm terribly sorry for the tragedy you've suffered, and I know that nothing I can say in a blog comment is going to mean a thing to you. I can only hope that you and your siblings are OK, and that you're all living someplace safe.
Posted by:JDDecember 19, 2007 2:33:02 AMRespond ^
THANKS I DONT NEED YOUR HELP
Posted by:BRITTNEYMarch 7, 2008 1:32:27 PMRespond ^
fIRST OFF HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE POLICE HAVE YOU HAVENT SEEN THE PHOTOS BECAUSE THEY WOULDNT RELEASE THEM TO YOU. aLL YOU PEOPLE HAVE ARE THE STORYS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD. YOU WERENT THERE. aND YEAH I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE I WAS BORN, BUT MY FAMILY WAS AROUND YEAH MAYBE NOT ALL THE TIME BUT ENOUGH TO KNOW. aND IF SHE DID GET ABBUSED LIKE ALL YOU RETARDED ASS PEOPLE THINK MAYBE SHE DESERVED IT. aLSO ONCE AGAIN MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!!!
Posted by:BRITTNEYMarch 7, 2008 1:39:06 PMRespond ^
Britney, before you reply to my posting, if you will, please take the time to read the whole thing, with an open mind, rather than anger towards what I wrote. This was not intended to be judgmental nor a compassion “note”& I hope you will be rational about it.
I know you feel like the world has been unfair to you and your siblings. You blame your mother for everything because when you needed her the most she wasn’t there for you. You have, I am sure gone through a confusing time growing up because you have been surrounded by people telling you different things: Some blaming your mother, others your father and you were left in the middle of this battle of who’s wrong or right. It is amazing on how much hatred you have towards your mother, especially when you have said something very important: “aND YEAH I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE I WAS BORN, BUT MY FAMILY WAS AROUND YEAH MAYBE NOT ALL THE TIME BUT ENOUGH TO KNOW.” I am sure your father was not always drunk or aggressive and I‘m sure he was a good person deep down inside. Maybe his behavior, when under the influence, was caused by something that happened to him growing up or before meeting your mother. However that does not justify inflicting physical pain onto another person. It does not matter whether it is a slap, a punch, or a serious beating; no one has the right to manifest that way. Your mother was not convicted by reasons of insanity. Consider this: Why would a woman kill her husband when she has four children to take care of. Why would she do so and admit to her crime if she had no reason to kill him? Weather the real reason is strong or not it exists. My advice to you is to figure the truth on your own. Listen to what everyone has to say however don’t believe everything you read or hear. Start your own “investigation”, find enough evidence by yourself to make a judgment of your own, on the situation. Talk to your older sister and people outside of your family that knew both your mother and your father. Read reports and articles on the case and judge if they make sense or not. Check your parent’s history. Until you DO find the truth, don’t take sides as to who’s to blame and who isn’t.

Regards,
Iulia B
Posted by:Iulia BMarch 13, 2008 11:43:42 AMRespond ^
Brittney, You were the oldest daughter, right? Your perspective reflects your experience with your mother and father... I am working on a book about this topic, and really want to talk to the children of the women--see what their experience is like. So much has focused on the women and their experience, but little on the children. Will you please talk to me? It might help clarify the picture. Mary
Posted by:Mary StewartApril 29, 2008 2:07:17 PMRespond ^
Britney was the youngest at 5 at the time of offenses
Posted by:TMay 27, 2008 6:41:10 PMRespond ^

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