| Talking Television PP talks turkey with Harry Shearer, convention correspondent for Slate, Spinal Tap bassist, and the voice of The Simpsons' Mr. Burns. August 13, 1996 Paula: Harry, I know nothing about politics. I look to people like you for guidance. Harry: I know too much about politics, unfortunately, and there's none of it here. This is a TV show taping. Paula: That's been my exact take on it. I've had this feeling that if each party would do a production of a specific show. Harry: Like Coriolanus? Paula: Eh, West Side Story, maybe. Harry: Oh. Paula: I don't know, maybe pick a Leave It to Beaver episode. Something. You know, produce it, do it, and then compare the two. Harry: My criticism is too much lighting, not enough makeup. The men could use just a little more powder next time. Paula: Ford may have been over powdered. You know what I think happened. He powdered at home, and then powdered again when he came here. Harry: When you get what Ford gets for a personal appearance, they better lay on the powder. Get your money's worth. Paula: The thing is, I'm not here as a political expert. Harry: You're here as an Amway salesman. Paula: I am here as an Amway salesman. Earlier I got to run up the aisle because I sold the most cleaner this week. Harry: All right! Yeah! (claps) Paula:Actually, I'm totally masquerading. It was only a second ago, but I pulled off my bright green top and bright plaid pants, and then everyone realized I was NOT one of the Republicans. Harry: No, you have to be wearing red, white and blue. Here's my question: When did it become okay to wear the flag? Paula: It's not okay. Harry: It is okay. Everybody here is wearing pieces of the flag, and they used to put you in jail for that. Paula: It was different when Abbie Hoffman did it. And look what became of him, by the way. Harry: It was a youthful mistake. Paula: Here's what I can't figure out. Everybody said it was such a surprise that Dole chose Kemp. How did the posters get printed up that quickly? Harry: One word: Kinko's. And by the way, doesn't it make you wonder that there's a place that's open all night called Kinko's? Doesn't it make you wonder if maybe printing is just a sideline? Paula: I hadn't thought about it, until you pointed it out that way. Now I'm not going to sleep comfortably. Are you feeling a little bit bad for the people who are waiting to go on knowing that somebody just said the line, "Bob Dole can win in November?" Harry: After the number of people who said last night, "We can restore the American Dream," I don't think any line can be said too often. Paula: I'm laying my money on a million uses of, "Bob Dole hit a home run." Harry: "Bob Dole went for the long ball." You've got to go football because of Jack Kemp. Baseball analogies need not apply. Paula: "Mr. Chairman I'm from the state that Jack Kemp's cousin's nephew, who also plays football, is from." Harry: "I'm from the state that Jack Kemp flew over on his way to a game, one Saturday afternoon."
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