March 28, 2017

Kid Confuses Waterheater For Robot, Hugs “Robot,” Shows World What Love Truly Is


This is so intensely adorable.

And  I want you to know that I do not find most things adorable.

People might tell you that I find things adorable or that I may have found things adorable in the past but people lie. People LIE. It’s what they do.

Liars, the lot of them.

Never in my life have I found anything cute or adorable.

Cynical! That’s my bag, doll. I dance to the beat of a heartless drum. Sad, worn-out, on my own. When I was young I would go from town to town and witness all the things collected in the local papers that were said to be cute or adorable and I would be unmoved by them. The townsfolk, they would say, “here comes that unmovable machine who feels not for cute things. For he is the bane of our existence! Never admitting how adorable or cute our things are!” And I would try to explain to them that it wasn’t personal. “It’s a calling, not a job.”

But they wouldn’t hear. Or at least couldn’t forgive.

Yet, here I am. Captain Cynical, voted most cynical 3 years running in the Blaine County (Idaho) Cynics’ Fare, which you shouldn’t try to look up because though it is a real thing that existed when I lived in Blaine County in the early aughts the records were destroyed in a flood. Don’t look up the flood either. The records of the flood were destroyed in a fire—HEY MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET OFF MY BACK, YEAH?

I didn’t come here for a Spanish inquisition. I came here on a mission from the Care Bears to warm your cold hearts.

Anyway, here’s the video. I don’t know anything about it. Could be fake. Maybe the kid is an actor. Maybe the robot is an actor. Maybe I’m an actor. Maybe acting is a construct. Maybe we should talk about this at Burning Man.

Have a great night.

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