Thank God the Rev. Jerry Falwell has stepped in to clean up children’s television. Last week he outed Tinky Winky, from that perverted show the “Teletubbies,” because, Falwell pronounced, the character is clearly a fount of gayness: He’s purple, the gay color; he has an antenna shaped like a triangle, the gay symbol; and he carries a purse, something all gay people do.
But Falwell’s work is far from over. You see, kiddy TV is downright rife with gayety. Heck, Toon Town is like one big circuit party and has been for years.
| Fred Flintstone
Evidence: His nickname on the Bedrock bowling team: “Twinkle-toes Flintstone.” The show’s theme song ends “…we’ll have a gay old time!” Wears an orange dress with little triangles on it. Hangs out with Barney far more than Wilma.
| Bugs Bunny
Evidence: Often stands with hand on hip. Plays a hairdresser in one episode. Frequently dresses in drag. Loves to throw on a top hat and tails and belt out Broadway show-tunes with his buddy Daffy — who, it’s worth noting, has a lisp.
| Velma (of Scooby Doo)
Evidence: Always tries to sit next to Daphne in the Mystery Machine. Sports that butch haircut. Has broad shoulders and wears thick turtleneck-sweaters and knee socks. Never once shagged Shaggy.
Evidence: Eats lots of salad. Wears a sailor suit, even though he hasn’t been on a ship in years. Does little sailor-dances. Dates a flat-chested transvestite named Olive Oyl. Best friend named Wimpy.
| Batman and Robin
Evidence: Robin’s nickname: Boy Wonder. Batman’s real name: Bruce. Both wear tights. They’re in great shape. They like to show each other their “grappling hooks.
| Peppermint Patty
Evidence: Has a deep, gravelly voice. Wears pants, not dresses like the other Peanuts gals. Plays a mean game of football. Likes to taunt Charlie Brown. Always hanging out with that androgynous Marcie. Wears comfortable shoes. Nickname: Sir.
| The Pink Panther
Thanks to “Fun Stuff” on Geocities for, um, providing us with these images.