Wake Me Up in 2004

In which Will Durst manages to keep his eyes open during ‘Liberal Night’ at the Democratic National Convention without the help of pharmaceuticals, at least for a while. Is there a method to the Democrats’ badness?

Fight disinformation: Sign up for the free Mother Jones Daily newsletter and follow the news that matters.


Where have all the liberals gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the liberals gone?
Long time ago.

Jackson, Kennedy, Bradley. You could cut the tension Tuesday at the Staples Center with a damp bar coaster, and trust me, there are plenty available here in L.A. Hey, everybody! Rummage around the back of the closet and drag out the love beads so we can all celebrate Liberal Night at the Democratic Carnival. Hit the centrists in the face with a bombastic pie and win yourself a reluctant nod of approval from Maxine Waters!

In an attempt to cleanse the palate from the high-starch content of Monday’s ravenous plundering at the buffet of self-congratulations, last night was a series of high-fiber nostalgic snacks, meant more for their nutritional value than taste. Think three hours of tofu without all the tangy flavor. But even the hardest core NPR-listening, Volvo-driving, white- wine-sipping, Birkenstock-wearing lefty would have been hard-pressed to stay awake without a healthy two-liter dose of dark-roast Colombian coffee. Shade-grown, butterfly-friendly, of course.

Perennial poetry-slam champ Jesse Jackson kicked off the festivities with an admonition to “stay out the Bushes” in response to the Philadelphia Republican “inclusion illusion.” Nobody knows what the rest of his speech meant, but it had a nice beat, was easy to dance to, and was the high point of the evening, so there’s no sense in nitpicking.

Introducing her uncle, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg participated in the near slaughter of the most revered of all the Democratic party’s sacred cows: Camelot. She’s a bright, refined, and entrancingly sophisticated mix of her mother and her father, but to squander the memories of her legacy on a crummy intro seemed so wasted. And, speaking of Teddy….

Let’s be kind and simply say this wasn’t quite 1980 all over again. But perhaps the Dems are trying to lower the bar for the presumptive nominee two days hence. If so, Bill Bradley accomplished that task beyond anybody’s wildest dreams. How to describe his endorsement of his midwinter rival? Tepid, mild, lukewarm, apathetic, dull, half-hearted, and languid all come to mind.

But perhaps there’s good reason for the barbiturate-like effect of such a parade of boredom: Now, no matter how dull and boring Al Gore appears, he will emerge relatively magnetic on Thursday. I’m only surprised that they didn’t dig up Dukakis.

AN IMPORTANT UPDATE

We’re falling behind our online fundraising goals and we can’t sustain coming up short on donations month after month. Perhaps you’ve heard? It is impossibly hard in the news business right now, with layoffs intensifying and fancy new startups and funding going kaput.

The crisis facing journalism and democracy isn’t going away anytime soon. And neither is Mother Jones, our readers, or our unique way of doing in-depth reporting that exists to bring about change.

Which is exactly why, despite the challenges we face, we just took a big gulp and joined forces with the Center for Investigative Reporting, a team of ace journalists who create the amazing podcast and public radio show Reveal.

If you can part with even just a few bucks, please help us pick up the pace of donations. We simply can’t afford to keep falling behind on our fundraising targets month after month.

Editor-in-Chief Clara Jeffery said it well to our team recently, and that team 100 percent includes readers like you who make it all possible: “This is a year to prove that we can pull off this merger, grow our audiences and impact, attract more funding and keep growing. More broadly, it’s a year when the very future of both journalism and democracy is on the line. We have to go for every important story, every reader/listener/viewer, and leave it all on the field. I’m very proud of all the hard work that’s gotten us to this moment, and confident that we can meet it.”

Let’s do this. If you can right now, please support Mother Jones and investigative journalism with an urgently needed donation today.

payment methods

AN IMPORTANT UPDATE

We’re falling behind our online fundraising goals and we can’t sustain coming up short on donations month after month. Perhaps you’ve heard? It is impossibly hard in the news business right now, with layoffs intensifying and fancy new startups and funding going kaput.

The crisis facing journalism and democracy isn’t going away anytime soon. And neither is Mother Jones, our readers, or our unique way of doing in-depth reporting that exists to bring about change.

Which is exactly why, despite the challenges we face, we just took a big gulp and joined forces with the Center for Investigative Reporting, a team of ace journalists who create the amazing podcast and public radio show Reveal.

If you can part with even just a few bucks, please help us pick up the pace of donations. We simply can’t afford to keep falling behind on our fundraising targets month after month.

Editor-in-Chief Clara Jeffery said it well to our team recently, and that team 100 percent includes readers like you who make it all possible: “This is a year to prove that we can pull off this merger, grow our audiences and impact, attract more funding and keep growing. More broadly, it’s a year when the very future of both journalism and democracy is on the line. We have to go for every important story, every reader/listener/viewer, and leave it all on the field. I’m very proud of all the hard work that’s gotten us to this moment, and confident that we can meet it.”

Let’s do this. If you can right now, please support Mother Jones and investigative journalism with an urgently needed donation today.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate