The Diddly Awards

Karen Weldon: Though described by the Los Angeles Times as an “inexperienced 29-year-old lobbyist,” her experience as daughter of Rep. Curt Weldon (R-Pa.) has landed her numerous contracts, including a $240,000 contract to represent Dragomir and Bogoljub Karic, Serbs who are trying to get American visas despite ties to Slobodan Milosevic. The contract was awarded after the congressman lauded the Karics’ “extensive humanitarian and charity projects,” but Karen insists it was her old-fashioned sweat equity that won the day: “I worked my butt off, and they liked it.”

Kara Delahunt, whose firm boasts of being “a leader in Islamic investments.” Her father, Rep. William Delahunt, (D-Mass.) told the Boston Globe that he didn’t even know she was a lobbyist until they called.

Chester Lott, the onetime Domino’s Pizza franchisee and polo player, tried his hand at lobbying for Edison Chouest Offshore, a firm that then happened to get a provision slipped into legislation by Chester’s dad, Senator Trent Lott (R-Miss.). The fix allowed the company to earn $300 million by sidestepping a 1920 law.

Josh Hastert, who used to own a record store called Seven Dead Arson—a career path he attributed to the band KISS. He was hired by lobby shop Podesta Mattoon, which promises Josh will not lobby his father, Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.).

Hunter Biden, who in 2003 received a $100,000 retainer on behalf of MBNA, also the largest contributor to Senator Joe Biden (D-Del.).

Bob Dole, who, revealed to be lobbying for Dubai over the port deal, said, “I have not nor will I ‘lobby’ members of Congress on this issue, not even at home.”

Bill Clinton: Same as above more or less, except when Hillary Clinton says she didn’t know about her husband’s connection, people believe her.

WINNER! Josh Hastert, who said through his pierced tongue that “doing consulting and government relations on the Hill took up a lot less time than running a record store and brought in a lot more money.”