The Diddly Awards

THE GEORGE ALLEN (SR.) AWARD FOR THE MIDTERM ELECTION'S MOST DESPERATE HAIL-MARY PASS

NOMINEE 1
Raj Peter Bhakta (gop House candidate-Pa.) won D-list fame as a contestant on The Apprentice. But even The Donald never showed the chutzpah Bhakta displayed when, to demonstrate how easy it is for immigrants to cross the border, he attempted to ride an elephant—followed by two other elephants and a six-piece mariachi band—across the Rio Grande in Texas. (Bhakta lost.)

NOMINEE 2
Michael Steele (gop Senate candidate-Md.) ran an ad of himself hugging a Boston terrier and warning that his opponent would claim, “Steele hates puppies—and worse.” The response ad came quickly: “Michael Steele: He likes puppies, but he loves George Bush.” Then, on Election Day, gop operatives paid six busloads of destitute men to stand in front of voting stations in largely black precincts and hand out flyers falsely claiming Steele was a Democrat. (Steele lost.)

Advertise on MotherJones.com

NOMINEE 3
Claire McCaskill (Democratic Senate candidate-Mo.) bought 100 Rams tickets when she learned that a St. Louis TV station would not broadcast the season opener unless it sold out. She gave the football tickets to charity, and the media unleashed story after story proclaiming her good will and brilliant campaign instincts. (McCaskill won.)

NOMINEE 4
Senator Rick Santorum (R-Pa.) made a last-ditch appeal to those influential voters, Lord of the Rings nerds. Santorum explained to a local editorial board: “As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else. It’s being drawn to Iraq.” We have no idea what it means either, but we suspect it has something to do with man-on-dog sex. (Farewell Santorum. Diddly will be lost without you.)

WINNER!
Raj Peter Bhakta
, whose Hannibal stunt failed to make the splash he was hoping for. “The elephant never made landfall into Mexico,” Bhakta explained. “He could have made 15 laps back and forth, but no one showed up.” Except for agents from the USDA, who detained the elephants and sprayed them for ticks.

Get Mother Jones by Email - Free. Like what you're reading? Get the best of MoJo three times a week.