Kids, Obama Is Going to Close Gitmo And This Time He Means It.

"Don't make me pull this prison camp over. Because I will."<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/whitehouse/8228427950/in/photolist-77FTfF-dx7QXq-8f1kbP-73hfdc-87TmHp-87WrUh-8qVF4T-87TmHe-9KiCHW-eRGo1T-ny17zk-b4bpUP-8j7Qv4">The White House</a>


Scene: President Obama, driving slowly toward the White House, announces yet again that he wants to shut down the Guantanamo prison camp. A clamor erupts in the back seat.

Kids, I’ve already told you a million times—I’m going to close Guantanamo.

This time I mean it. And no bellyaching.

Listen, I know you don’t like it, but it’s time we behaved like civilized human beings.

I don’t care who started it. That doesn’t make it right.

Will you please quiet down? I can’t even hear my own executive order over all that racket!

I’m serious now. End of discussion.

Because I am your president, that’s why!

Don’t make me pull this prison camp over. Because I will.

Just wait until your next president hears about this. Hoo boy is she gonna be mad.

Keep it up and you won’t be extralegally detaining anyone for a solid month, mister!

We’ve been over the drone thing. When you’re a president you can do whatever you want with a drone.

Don’t you “habeas schmabeas” me, young lady!

That’s it! I am so drafting a new, even stronger statement as soon as we get home.

And stop asking if we’re there yet! We’ll end this War on Terror when we get there!