Illinois Review Outs Doris from "Shrek"

| Fri Jun. 1, 2007 3:24 PM EDT

mojo-photo-doris.JPGProving once again that right-wing nutjobs totally freakin' rule, conservative "crossroads" The Illinois Review has "outed" Doris the Ugly Stepsister from the current edition of the Shrek movies as – gasp! – a man. Just because the character was voiced by Larry King! More imporantly, inclusion of said "transvestite" (although I'm going to come right out and say it sure looks like she's had some, uh, upper work done, at least) in the film is an attempt to, yes, foist the gay agenda on our children:

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Right in the midst of a warm "traditional family" setting, the film writers place a man dressed as a woman in with Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White (the good gals). The crossdressing character simply doesn't make sense, except as a ploy to desensitize children and parents to transgenders. … We need to understand that acceptance of this sexual behavior is just another step moving our world toward sexual chaos.

Sexual chaos?! Sounds like my last relationship! Badump BAM! Tip your waitress! Anyway, do you ever wonder if so-called conservatives like this are actually brilliant liberal performance artists, coming up with the most outlandish pseudo-right-wing theories, in order to create a kind of public "bounce-back" from their obvious hypocrisy and ridiculousness, and secretly helping make the world a better place? I've often felt like Fred Phelps and his suspiciously well-designed "God Hates Fags" posters (don't they look a lot like the old Gran Fury graphics?), marching around outside of soldiers' funerals, are actually some of the best gay rights proponents around: even the toughest homophobe has to feel a little uncomfortable watching this. It's like a kind of cultural chaos theory where the results of your actions are the opposite of your purported mission. For a liberal equivalent, see Michael Moore. Did I just say that out loud?

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