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May 12, 2008

If Superman is a Democrat, Is Batman a Republican?

DC Comics has just announced that it's sending its characters into the most terrifying parallel universe yet: the American political system. At a comic-con last week, the publisher's executive editor talked about its upcoming "DC Decisions" series, in which members of the DC universe will declare their partisan affiliations. "Everyone’s talking politics; it’s an elections year, and we’re going to try to see how the characters of our universe react to that," he said, which I think means that his writers have completely run out of material. So now that superheroes are going to start meddling in domestic politics, which way will they swing politically? A few guesses at some of the exciting partisan plot twists to come, after the jump.

Possible political revelations in "DC Decisions":

Superman: Illegal immigrant, journalist
Plot twist: Uses super-duperdelegate powers to reverse time and rig the delegate-counting at the Democratic convention.

Batman: Aging, super-wealthy crime fighter
Plot twist: Liked Giuliani, but now can't decide between McCain and former president Luthor.

Robin: "Ward" of aging, super-wealthy crime fighter
Plot twist: Embarrassed when alternate-universe Obama is forced to declare that "Earth-Two Dick Grayson does not speak for me."

Wonder Woman: Broke the glass ceiling in her invisible jet.
Plot twist: Once used her bracelets to deflect Bosnian sniper fire during a top-secret mission.

Plastic Man: Extremely flexible, perfect hair
Plot twist: This early Mitt Romney backer may sit this one out.

Green Lantern: Cool ring gives him godlike powers
Plot twist: Attacked on cable news after he says American flag lapel pins leave unsightly holes in his unitard.

Aquaman: Hangs out with fishes, probably suffering from mercury poisoning.
Plot twist: Sending telepathic signals to get Al Gore to run.

Supergirl: Superman's cousin and occasional jailbait.
Plot Twist: Retreats to the Fortress of Solitude after her "I've Got a Crush on Kucinich" video is leaked.

Rorschach: Creepy objectivist loner
Plot twist: Being wooed by Ron Paul as a possible running mate.

All Paulite and DC fanboy hate mail in the comments, thanks!

May 9, 2008

Bureau Brews: Hook & Ladder

Welcome to the first in an occasional series called "Bureau Brews" (Too nerdy? What about "Keg Stands?") in which reporters and editors in Mother Jones' DC Bureau will do what we do best... drink beer. Really, it's our birthright as journalists, and we take the responsibility quite seriously. (Read our hero Jack Schafer's classic treatise on the subject here.) So, every once in a while, probably on Fridays after we've filed our stories for the week, we'll break out the bottle opener and let you know what we think of various imported beers and their domestic craft cousins.

Our first victim is a local craft brewery called Hook & Ladder, based in Silver Spring, Maryland. (Disclaimer: I happen to know their PR guy. He's a mensch.) The brewery was founded by two brothers—one a volunteer firefighter, the other an entrepreneur—who, in 1999, decided to combine their talents to open a craft brewery. They originally based it in the Bay Area, but the dot-com bust scared off investors, and the fledgling business fell on hard times. Since then, they've relocated to suburban Washington, DC, where, in 2005, they renewed their quest to quit the rat race and make beer for a living, this time with great success. As of October 2006, Hook & Ladder had only one distributor and was available only in the DC area; today, it's got 73 distributors in 20 states, mostly along the East Coast, although for some reason it's also available in Stockton, California, or so we've been told.

One thing to note before we proceed to reviewing the merchandise is that Hook & Ladder, true to its firefighter founders' wishes, donates one penny from every pint sold to local burn centers. In the last two years, this has amounted to no less than $30,000. Could it be that drinking beer has finally become tax deductible? We'll have to look into that...

Now for the beer. Hook & Ladder produces three: a low-cal beer called "Lighter," a golden ale called, appropriately enough, "Golden Ale," and...the brewery's masterpiece, "Backdraft Brown." It should be noted that, although we're reporters and therefore have a certain knack for beer drinking, we are not professionally trained connoisseurs. So, we thought we might start by stating our biases in terms of favorite beers. Dan has a thing for Lone Star ("a Texas-style Bud," he says); Jonathan is a fan of New Belgium Brewery's Fat Tire, Nick prefers Newcastle Brown; and I tend to like most things Dogfish Head (except the IPAs, which I can't stand). David Corn prefers rum, but we let him play anyway. (Laura and Stephanie were out today, but hopefully will join us next time.)

Without further ado... (note: for more serious criticism, click on the beer to be taken to ratebeer.com):

LIGHTER:
Not our favorite. Watery and thin. Definitely a low-cal brew. Appropriate for those paranoid about their waistlines, but not for us. We require a bit more flavor and, to put it bluntly, high-alcohol punch at the end of the week. (Now, it didn't help that we sampled it from paper cups... which added the oh-so-gentle sweetness of industrial laminate. We'll remember to bring beer glasses next time.)

GOLDEN ALE:
Better. Stronger. Pours with a thick, white head (again, partially the result of our paper cups). Creamy, smooth, with hints of honey. We'll have to try this some more...

BACKDRAFT BROWN:
But not before we drink more Backdraft Brown. A big hit with us, and particularly with Nick for its similarity to Newcastle. Opaque brown in color with a thick, tan head the persists for a while. A nice balance of hops and malt, but more bitter than beers of similar styles. Hints of chocolate? Definitely worth sampling if you have the chance.

And that's it: short and simple. This is, after all, just an excuse for us to drink in the office on a Friday, which, in our humble opinions, is as good a reason as any. We hope you'll indulge us for future posts. Cheers.

Comedy Bands: How Far Can they Go?

The New York Times thought they were pretty funny: New Zealand's "fourth most popular folk-parody duo" Flight of the Conchords are taking their HBO show about being, well, wildly unsuccessful, on a wildly successful tour, and they just played in New York to an appreciative crowd. The TV show, while not exactly a breakout hit, ratings-wise, was pretty much the second-best thing on HBO last year, both for the hilarity of their song parodies ("Bowie's In Space," anyone?) and for the low-key quirkiness of their heavily-accented banter. So, it's a good show on TV, but isn't there something a bit awkward about parody songs plopping down into the real-life rock context of an actual concert hall?

After the jump: What happens when the highest-charting death metal band of all time is, um, a joke?

Of course, Spinal Tap, the apex of parody-rock, have had a successful live career, although I've often suspected a lot of the audience just thinks they're watching a real heavy metal band. LA's Steel Panther and Adult Swim's Dethklok (the hightest-charting death metal band of all time!) fit in there as well: are audiences laughing with them, laughing at them, or just making devil-horn signs cause they rawk? Semi-parodic geek rock is generally more tolerable, like Bloodhound Gang or They Might Be Giants. But then there's The Dan Band, whose shtick of covering tracks originally sung by women for the amusing gender-inversion factor gets old in about a nanosecond, and Tenacious D, whose take on overwrought rock-star self-indulgence is even more overwrought and self-indulgent.

As amusing as Flight of the Conchords (the show) is, Flight of the Conchords the live band still seems like an iffy proposition. Is there a limit to how far comedy rock can go, a kind of physical law of joke bands that states "balancing humor and musicianship requires both to remain below a certain level or the equation becomes unstable"? Or am I just a fuddy-duddy who needs to loosen up and go out for a night of chuckles? Riffers, tell us: is live comedy rock worth the ticket price?

Photo used under a creative commons license from Flickr user Lesliemperry.

Group Demands Marriott Turn Off the Porn

From citizenlink.com:

Focus on the Family Action is calling on families to co-sign a letter urging Marriott hotels to stop offering in-room pornography. The letter, signed by 47 family groups, will be presented at a meeting May 14 between pro-family leaders and Marriott International officials. It's the first time a major hotel chain has agreed to meet to discuss the issue. Tom Minnery, senior vice president of government and public policy of Focus on the Family Action, said Marriott can’t continue to present itself as a family-friendly hotel chain while peddling pornography. “Pornography is highly addictive and extremely destructive,” he said. “In the ‘secrecy’ of a hotel room, pornography can be especially dangerous because it creates a sexualized climate that puts men, women and children at risk.”

Focus on the Family Action then demanded Marriott remove all beds, comfy cushions and plush carpets from rooms, since those soft, inviting spaces just make addictive, dangerous fornication all the more likely. And don't get us started on those oh-so-sexy coffeemakers, heating things up! Hub-ba!

After the jump: I didn't mean to press "buy," really!

This seems pretty silly, but when you think about it, it's the under-15 set that is most likely to understand how the remote works in those hotel rooms. Is the family vacation to Kansas City really the time you want to have That Talk with little Jimmy? Our own Debra Dickerson has argued right here on the Riff in favor of "times, and places, where life can reliably remain PG"; is the local Marriott one of those places? I'm honestly inclined to agree, if only because I hit the wrong button once whilst browsing the porn titles in a hotel room out of bored curiosity, and accidentally spent $9.99 on who knows what, Buxom Babes in Beantown or whatever. Bored curiosity! Really! And I swear it was an accident! You don't believe me? Come on, as I told the front desk clerk when I was trying to get it taken off my bill: what do I want with straight porn? I can just watch MTV for that.

Photo used under a Creative Commons license from Flickr user Aimos.

May 8, 2008

Oliver Stone's W: Will It Be Better than "Lil' Bush"?

Entertainment Weekly has a "first look" at Oliver Stone's W, the upcoming feature on our most awesomest president ever, starting Josh Brolin as the smirking W himself. Of course, by "First Look," EW is stretching things a bit, since, as they say, "shooting begins in less than two weeks." However, it sounds like Stone is trying to get the movie turned around in record time, with a release possibly coming "as early as October." EW's article is six long pages; so I've collected some highlights after the jump:

The film will feature such flag-waving moments as the Commander-in-Chief nearly choking to death on a pretzel while watching football on TV and a flashback of him singing the ''Whiffenpoof'' song as a frat pledge at Yale, not to mention scenes in which he refers to his advisers by dorky nicknames — ''Guru'' for Condoleezza Rice, ''Turdblossom'' for Karl Rove, ''Balloon Foot'' for Colin Powell — while discussing plans for the invasion of Iraq with the coolness of a late-night poker game.

...In one Strangelove-like moment, he tries to sell Tony Blair on the idea of provoking war with Iraq by flying a U.S. plane painted with U.N. colors over Baghdad, baiting Saddam to shoot it down. ''Plan B is assassinate the sonofabitch,'' Bush informs the horrified prime minister.

...Stone denies rumors that Robert Duvall turned down Cheney. And he won't comment on reports that he's talking to Paul Giamatti about the part.

...The director acknowledges that he had to speculate on some of the dialogue and delivery. ''You take all the facts and take the spirit of the scene and make it accurate to what you think happened,'' he says.

I have to say, I'm not exactly a Stone "fan," but this sounds pretty entertaining. One worries, however, it could stumble into the same territory as "Lil' Bush," the absolutely unwatchable Comedy Central cartoon featuring wee versions of Bushco and their wacky escapades, which purports to mock them but actually seems weirdly adoring of W, like the show's actually being produced by a secret youth-propaganda wing of the Pentagon. Or maybe I'm just so sick of Bush's face I can't even watch somebody make fun of him? Frank Caliendo, I'm talking to you too.

Grand Theft Auto IV Makes More Money Than Anything Ever

Well, almost. Billboard magazine reports that first-week sales for the latest installment in the "Grand Theft Auto" videogame series has outperformed even the most optimistic of predictions, making more than $500 million in sales the first week. Billboard says that's 6 million copies, but it's $60 on Amazon, and that works out to $360 million, but who knows how they count these things. Either way, it's a new first-week record for a game, smashing the previous high mark set by "Halo 3" of $300 million.

For comparison's sake, let's just take a look at some other cultural products and institutions and their associated monetary figures, after the jump:

• Net worth of Martha Stewart, the 377th richest American: $970 million (Forbes.com)
• "Star Wars," total gross: $460,998,007 (Box Office Mojo)
• GDP of Vanuatu, 2007: $455 million (IMF via Wikipedia)
• McDonalds, weekly profit, worldwide: $437 million (Hoovers)
• Michael Jackson's Thriller, all-time US sales gross estimate: $270 million (RIAA)
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, biggest selling book of 2007, gross US sales in 2007: $270 million (Publisher's Weekly)
• The Police reunion tour, 2007 total gross: $212 million (Billboard)
• Daughtry's Daughtry, biggest selling album of 2007, gross sales in 2007: $30 million (Billboard)

Lesson: by talking about music, movies and books here on the Riff, we're clearly missing the boat. Too bad the last videogame I played was probably "Dig Dug" at the local Pizza Hut in 1984.

May 7, 2008

Music: Million DJ March to Unite Annoying, Headphone-Wearing Dorks

This can't be serious. Eminem associate DJ Green Lantern and mixtape empresario A. Shaw have just announced The Million DJ March, a series of activities and rallies in support of the good old disk jockey, to be held August 28-30 in Washington D.C. Wait a minute, I'm a DJ. Why do I need to rally? Well, in a press release, Shaw alleges that "DJs do not get fully recognized for the work they do… Label and major businesses who reap the rewards of default publicity need to pay attention and give more recognition and financial compensation to DJs for the promotion they provide, without which music sales would surely suffer." Well, okay, yes, we play music, people should be happy we do that. Hooray us. But why all this marching? The press release continues:

DJs… are often harassed and legally penalized for their promotional efforts even when those efforts have been solicited directly by the labels and artists themselves: an arrangement that is known about throughout the industry but kept "on the low."

Hmm, harassment and legal penalties. Are you talking about what happens when you sell thousands and thousands of unauthorized mixtape CDs out of the back of your car?

After the jump: hey, I pressed "play," that'll be $25,000.

Either way, speaking as a DJ, I can say with great confidence that DJs are 99% douchebag losers, with our dippy hairdos and "Get Low" remixes and MySpace profiles and shouting out for the crowd to make some noise just because we pressed "play." Ugh. Moreover, like a lot of the showbiz professions, DJs either make almost no money because they're playing for 15 friends at the local beer hall, or way, way too much money because they dated Nicole Richie . (Actually he's a talented DJ and a nice guy, but still, $10,000-$25,000 per set?)

Okay, sure, Grandmaster Flash, astounding genius, and yes, I've enjoyed amazing sets by everybody from Q-Bert to Erol Alkan. There's as much art to a good DJ set as there is to any musical performance, or a photo collage, or whatever. But if cover bands marched on Washington to demand appreciation for helping promote their near-namesakes, people might find it a little ridiculous. Or, come to think of it, completely awesome. Can we get Superdiamond and No Way Sis to headline?

Breaking News: Hipsters Live in Cheap, Crappy Buildings

Yes, NYT trend piece fans, it's time for yet another trenchant observation: Art kids live in squalor in Brooklyn. And since everyone knows bedbug bites are like the purple heart of hipsterdom, they're totally jazzed about their tenement, known as the McKibbin:

“The community is a microcosm of artists, musicians and D.J.’s,” said Kevin Farrell, who is 29 and works in video production. “You don’t have to leave this building, with the exception of food. I don’t really speak to the locals.”

By comparison, campaign kids, who whined in the Sunday Times about having to couch surf, look pretty square:

“It’s so nice to have your own space,” said Erin Suhr, 32, the director of press advance for the Clinton campaign. “To come in and not have to talk to anyone, because you know they’re going to want to talk about politics.”

Since mid-February, Ms. Suhr has been living in Washington, in the basement apartment of Dick and Joanne Howes. Ms. Suhr has her own entrance and said she rarely sees the couple. But on a recent Monday night, Ms. Suhr appeared at their back door and the trio fell into an easy banter.

Fraternizing with the locals? She'd never make it at the McKibbin.

May 6, 2008

Books: Shelf Help for Mother's Day

If their "Mother's Day Shopping Guide" is any indication, Barnes and Noble takes a rather dim view of maternal reading habits.

Categories that warrant 40 percent off before Sunday include: "Biographies and Memoirs," "Food and Wine," "Homes and Hobbies," "New Fiction," and "Self-Improvement, Inspiration, and Humor.'

But the pink ghetto in Borders may win this week's catfight. A quick stroll past the Mom-bait table in a Washington, D.C. store today revealed not just a cornucopia of hot pink, cherub-encrusted photo frames and a healthy portion of the "Chicken Soup for the __ Soul" (Grandma, Chocolate Lovers, etc.) empire, but such titles as:

"Don't Go To the Cosmetics Counter Without Me," (7th Edition),

"Busy Woman's Slow Cooker Recipes," (Tagline: "Make 'em happy. Come home to dinner."),

"You, Staying Young,"

and,

"God Thinks You're Wonderful, Mom!"

You know what I want for Mother's Day this year? A wireless mouse. Let me know when you catch up, big B bookstores.

Music: New Coldplay Single Downloaded Two Million Times, Kind of Sucks

British band Coldplay posted a link to a new song, "Violet Hill," on their official website starting last Tuesday, and since then the free download has been accessed over two million times, reports the UK Telegraph. To put it in perspective, the Telegraph says that all the UK top 40 singles combined sold around 500,000 copies in the same period. Lesson: People like free stuff.

Coldplay released the single in advance of their somewhat-anticipated new album, Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends (out June 17th), an appallingly-titled collection of songs which, as we reported here on the Riff last year, were supposed to have a "Hispanic theme." However, "Violet Hill" has about as much Latin flavor as an Eskimo pie, and lead singer Chris Martin is even singing about cold weather: "Was a long and dark December/From the rooftops I remember/There was snow/White snow." As opposed to the purple kind? The song opens with a whooshy, 40-second intro, then erupts into a turgid, stomping beat, reminiscent of nothing so much as "Bennie and the Jets." It should either be twice as fast or twice as slow. Okay, I guess I kind of like the refrain, "If you love me, won't you let me know," but let's compare and contrast: the other day I heard "Warning Sign" on the radio, a stunning ballad from 2002's Rush of Blood to the Head. An insistent, wobbling tone, alternating between two notes, gives the song a hypnotic sense of uncertainty, building in intensity until a sudden acoustic coda in a new key finds Martin hoping to "crawl back into your open arms." Structured similarly but lacking even a modicum of "Sign"'s emotional complexity, "Hill" is a pale, white-snow-colored imitation.

Download "Violet Hill" on Coldplay's web site here.

After the jump, check out a cute fan-made video for "Warning Sign."

May 2, 2008

Music: Just How Good is the New Portishead Album?

Okay, I promise that my week-long series of Coachella afterglow posts will come to an end right after this one. In fact, while my appreciation of the long-dormant Bristol combo Portishead was confirmed by their spectacular performance in the desert Saturday night, I'd been enjoying their new album, Third, for a while. While I (lovingly) mocked it a while back here on the Riff for the, er, intensity of its lyrical misery, there's something exhilarating about Third. It's that rarest of comeback albums: less a return to form than a return to function, evidence of a band's determination to explore new musical territory (and new depths of despair), just as they always have.

After the jump: what's Rob Sheffield's damage?

For sure, Geoff Barrow, Beth Gibbons and Adrian Utley were under intense pressure to follow up their ground-breaking '90s albums, Dummy and Portishead. Much has been made of how they managed to avoid the pitfall of just issuing a repeat by refusing to use any of the instruments they had before. By necessity, then, Third is a strange, difficult listen at first, especially for someone expecting retro-trip-hop or neo-James Bond themes. The album kicks off with a rumbling breakbeat, a far faster tempo than anything they've done before, and when the beat drops away, Beth Gibbons' voice seems to approach the song at a crazy, inverted angle, singing a melody that at first sounds completely off key. Like much of the album, it takes a few listens for the whole thing to resolve, but once you get your head around it, its majesty becomes increasingly apparent each time.

It's probably a good thing the album leaked a few months early (and got a pre-release stream on Last.fm, the music/social networking site's first), giving reviewers a chance to get comfortable with these angular new songs, because now that the reviews are in, they're almost unfailingly worshipful. All-powerful Pitchfork gives the album an 8.8 out of 10, its highest rating of the year except for Hercules and Love Affair. Rob Sheffield in Rolling Stone is one of the few dissenters, dismissing the band for their lack of "sparkling personalities or musical variety," and giving the album a 3.5. Did he listen to the same thing I did?

Back on the positive side, the UK Guardian gives Third five out of five stars, picking up on the way you have to get used to the album's sharp edges: "Portishead's third album is initially more a record to admire than to love, its muscular synthesisers, drum breaks and abrupt endings keeping the tension high. But after several listens, Third's majesty unfurls." NME goes one step further, comparing the album to initially-shocking and now-beloved works like Radiohead's Kid A or Bjork's Homogenic, and gets to the heart of what's so astonishing about the album: the band's ten-year absence is an eternity in rock, and "that ‘Third’ exists at all is impressive… That it’s Portishead’s best album yet is little short of miraculous." They give it a 9 out of 10.

Every year, I make a list of my favorite albums, and some years, the CD that takes the top spot is merely a very good one, an album I enjoyed unequivocally. Sometimes, though, there's an album that seems to require a shift in perspective, so much so that at first, I'm not even sure I like it: The Streets' Original Pirate Material, Blonde Redhead's Misery is a Butterfly. Portishead's Third may or may not land at #1 on my 2008 "Best Albums" list, but they've already broadened my horizons.

Third is out now on Island.

Portishead - "Machine Gun"