Is the Yellowstone Supervolcano an Illuminati Plot?
Yes! (According to the Internet.)
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming—Back on the planet Earth where I was raised, I'd never given much credence to the notion that the Yellowstone Supervolcano was part of a New World Order plot to exterminate two-thirds of the world's population, bring about the Messiah, and restore large swaths of the continent to their original wilderness state. Then I discovered the Internet:
"The Illuminati may be planning to use the destructive nature of the Yellowstone Super Volcano as their major tool to accomplish their coveted 'Re-wilding' project."
I guess Lady Gaga was just a decoy. Fortunately, there's a whole community of independent Internet researchers who have committed themselves to constant vigilance of all things supervolcano—they monitor seismographic charts, earthquake patterns in the shape of a "Y" (Yellowstone has a calling card, apparently) in the western part of the continent, and the National Park Service's Old Faithful webcam (which you can, and absolutely should, do as well). Rest assured that, should things start to get hairy, you'll be able to plan accordingly and move somewhere remote like Montan—oh. Oh.