MoJo Author Feeds: Ben Dreyfuss | Mother Jones Mother Jones logo en One of Donald Trump's Top Advisers Just Lost It on CNN—and the Video Is Hilarious <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>Donald Trump is getting smoked <a href="" target="_blank">in the polls right now</a> because he has run the most inept campaign in the history of campaigns and also he's a fundamentally unlikable racist who lies a lot.</p> <p>So with that being the state of the race on this balmy Wednesday, the 17th of August in the year of our Lord 2016, Michael Cohen, one of Donald Trump's top advisers, went on CNN to talk about how his boss is great and has very pretty eyes and is totally going to win. Anchor Brianna Keilar asked Cohen about these polls that say the exact opposite. Cohen was not having any of it!</p> <p>Watch what happens when the unstoppable force of stupidity meets the unmovable object of reality.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-video" data-lang="en"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Watch Michael Cohen, counsel to Donald Trump, repeatedly ask "says who?!" on CNN when told Trump is losing. Amazing. <a href=""></a></p> &mdash; Chad Mosher (@ChadMosher) <a href="">August 17, 2016</a></blockquote> <p><script async src="//" charset="utf-8"></script>"All of them."</p> <p>What a time to be alive.</p> <p><strong>UPDATE UPDATE: </strong>Oh my God, the full interview is even more insane.</p> <p><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="354" src="" width="630"></iframe></p></body></html> Contributor Wed, 17 Aug 2016 21:43:52 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 311961 at Elizabeth Warren Just Humiliated Donald Trump With Two Perfect Tweets <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p><a href="" target="_blank">Many people</a> are saying <a href="" target="_blank">Donald Trump suggested shooting Hillary Clinton at a rally today</a>.</p> <p>Elizabeth Warren just summed up the reaction many people are having:</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">.<a href="">@realDonaldTrump</a> makes death threats because he's a pathetic coward who can&rsquo;t handle the fact that he&rsquo;s losing to a girl.</p> &mdash; Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) <a href="">August 9, 2016</a></blockquote> <script async src="//" charset="utf-8"></script><blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Your reckless comments sound like a two-bit dictator, <a href="">@realDonaldTrump</a>. Not a man who wants to lead the greatest democracy on the planet.</p> &mdash; Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) <a href="">August 9, 2016</a></blockquote> <script async src="//" charset="utf-8"></script><p>The election is 90 days from today. We're going to need more bourbon.</p></body></html> Contributor 2016 Elections Tue, 09 Aug 2016 22:06:58 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 311361 at Donald Trump Might Want to Stop Bragging About This <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>As you surely know by now, Donald Trump likes to brag about his many "<a href="" target="_blank">beautiful</a>," "<a href="" target="_blank">great</a>," "<a href="" target="_blank">magnificent</a>" golf courses, as if owning a golf course somehow qualified you to be president.</p> <p>Today, balding Trump BFF Rudy Giuliani (R&mdash;<a href="" target="_blank">9/11</a>) took the line a little further:</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Giuliani says people elected Obama "who has never built a building or a golf course in his entire life."</p> &mdash; Tasneem N (@TasneemN) <a href="">August 9, 2016</a></blockquote> <p><script async src="//" charset="utf-8"></script>So that quote is obviously hilarious on its face and if you want to take a few minutes to LOL about it, please feel free. And, it's, you know, true enough! Obama has technically never built any golf courses! But if we're in the land of <em>technically true meaningless nonsense</em>, this too is technically true: <a href="" target="_blank">Obama, as president, is in charge of almost 200 golf courses</a>, far more than Trump could ever imagine getting his <a href="" target="_blank">smaller than average</a> hands on:</p> <blockquote><a href="" target="_blank"><em>Mother Jones </em>has found</a> that the Pentagon currently operates at least 194 golf courses and 2,874 holes of golf worldwide.</blockquote> <blockquote>[...]</blockquote> <blockquote>The military's Morale, Warfare, and Recreation and Marine Corps Community Services programs, which run the courses (as well as library programs, youth programs, fitness centers, and bowling alleys), say they are designed to maintain troop morale and combat readiness during stressful situations or down time.</blockquote> <p>Sad!</p></body></html> Contributor 2016 Elections Donald Trump Tue, 09 Aug 2016 18:57:00 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 311331 at A Republican Senator Just Announced She Won't Endorse Donald Trump. Here's Why. <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>On Monday, Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine) announced in a <em>Washington Post</em> <a href=";tid=ss_tw" target="_blank">op-ed that she would not be voting for her party's nominee, Donald Trump</a>.</p> <blockquote> <p>I will not be voting for Donald Trump for president. This is not a decision I make lightly, for I am a lifelong Republican. But Donald Trump does not reflect historical Republican values nor the inclusive approach to governing that is critical to healing the divisions in our country.</p> <p>...</p> <p>Some will say that as a Republican I have an obligation to support my party&rsquo;s nominee. I have thought long and hard about that, for being a Republican is part of what defines me as a person. I revere the history of my party, most particularly the value it has always placed on the worth and dignity of the individual, and I will continue to work across the country for Republican candidates. It is because of Mr. Trump&rsquo;s inability and unwillingness to honor that legacy that I am unable to support his candidacy.</p> </blockquote> <p>Collins is one of the famed yet elusive GOP "moderates," so it's not like this will change the minds of a lot of Trump die-hards, but it's still a big deal if only because Trump is <a href="" target="_blank">making a play to win her state</a>.</p> <p>Collins will not, however, be going the next logical step and endorsing Clinton. She says in the piece that she doesn't support either of the parties' nominees.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p></body></html> Contributor 2016 Elections Congress Donald Trump Elections Top Stories Tue, 09 Aug 2016 01:43:22 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 311261 at "This Could Be the Stupidest Thing Ever Said in the History of Presidential Campaigns" <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>Donald Trump and nukes. Nukes and Donald Trump. They don't really go together, unless you are having a nightmare. Over the past few weeks a fair number of people have been understandably freaking out over the idea that if Donald Trump wins in November, he will have virtually unfettered power to fire off nuclear weapons. In June, <i>Politico</i> <a href="" target="_blank">ran a frankly&nbsp;</a><a href="" target="_blank">horrifying piece</a>&nbsp;outlining exactly how presidents go about facing the nuclear question. (If the military ever detected&mdash;accurately or inaccurately&mdash;a nuclear attack against the United States, the president could have as little as 30 seconds to decide how to respond.)&nbsp;</p> <p><i>Esquire<i> </i></i>has a <a href="" target="_blank">Q&amp;A&nbsp;today with John&nbsp;Noonan,</a> a retired Air Force officer and former adviser to Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush.&nbsp;Noonan doesn't mince words about Trump being&nbsp;unprepared. You should read the whole thing because (1) it's fascinating, (2) it's terrifying, and (3) this issue really can't be talked about enough. It's too important.&nbsp;</p> <p>Here's one bit that really caught&nbsp;my eye:</p> <blockquote> <p>Think of the world as a playground. Does the bully&mdash;the five-foot-tall third grader with a pituitary disorder&mdash;pick on the star athlete or the 60-pound weakling? They're not going to punch the athlete in the nose because they'll get socked right back, so they go for the weakling every time. In America's case, we don't just stand up to the nuclear-armed bullies&mdash;we also stick up for the weaker kids. Russia, to wit, could impose its will on the small Baltic democracies because Russia is big and they are small. It's American resolve, backed by nuclear weapons, that keeps Russia in check. That's what you call deterrence.</p> <p>This is what I hear from Trump: that he wants to flip that equation and make the United States the bully. That is, <em>We're big and we have nukes and we can use them to kill terrorists in Raqqa and Mosul. Stop us if you dare.</em> It's how he's run his businesses for decades: <em>I can do whatever I want.</em> In the business world, it was shady and unethical. In the national-security world, it's downright dangerous.</p> <p>I don't think it's empty talk either.<strong> His spokesperson said a few months ago, "what good is a nuclear triad if you can't use it?" That could the [sic]&nbsp;stupidest thing ever said in the history of presidential campaigns, which puts it in the running for stupid thing ever said in the history of humanity. (Emphasis mine)</strong> Nuclear weapons are like an understanding between the athlete and the bully: <em>You don't screw with me and I won't screw with you.</em> It's a way for the two biggest kids on the block to communicate with each other in no uncertain terms. That Trump allegedly believes that nukes are solutions to low-intensity problems like ISIS and Al-Qaeda is raw, unfiltered insanity.</p> </blockquote> <p>Go read the <a href="" target="_blank">whole thing</a>.</p></body></html> Contributor 2016 Elections Donald Trump Elections Mon, 08 Aug 2016 18:56:55 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 311231 at LMAO <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>The Trump campaign apparently just sent out the following email:</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">Did I miss the speech, or is this a premature fundraising appeal? <a href=""></a></p> &mdash; Julie Bykowicz (@bykowicz) <a href="">July 22, 2016</a></blockquote> <script async src="//" charset="utf-8"></script><p>Seems fine right? Only, uh, Trump hasn't <a href="" target="_blank">given his speech yet</a>. Oops?</p></body></html> Contributor Fri, 22 Jul 2016 01:30:27 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 309836 at LEAK: Donald Trump's RNC Speech Just Hit the Web Hours Early <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>Donald Trump is set to give his much-hyped speech accepting the Republican nomination for president tonight at the RNC in Cleveland. But&mdash;oops!&mdash;it looks like <em>Politico</em> got their <a href="" target="_blank">hands on a draft of the speech a bit early</a>.&nbsp;</p> <p>Per <a href="" target="_blank"><em>Politico</em></a>:&nbsp;</p> <blockquote> <p>I have a message for all of you: the crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon come to an end. Beginning on January 20th 2017, safety will be restored.</p> <p>The most basic duty of government is to defend the lives of its own citizens. Any government that fails to do so is a government unworthy to lead.</p> <p>It is finally time for a straightforward assessment of the state of our nation.</p> <p>I will present the facts plainly and honestly. We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore.</p> </blockquote> <p>Go read the <a href="" target="_blank">whole thing</a>.</p></body></html> Contributor Thu, 21 Jul 2016 22:44:08 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 309816 at CrossFit Will Give the Winners of This Dumb Challenge a Couple of Guns for Some Reason <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>Let me start out by saying that I have never been to CrossFit. I know it is all the rage with a certain segment of fitness loons who probably live in Murray Hill and have a connection for a great "GHB" but that isn't really relevant here.</p> <p>Apparently <a href="" target="_blank">CrossFit</a> is running some very tone-deaf promotion where if you win one of their dumb made-up medals you get a Glock pistol. <a href=",,21018528,00.html" target="_blank">A real pistol</a>. The type that shoots bullets into people who then may die.</p> <p>I used to think that <a href="" target="_blank">CrossFit was a harmless thing</a> that people with severe "things to prove" to their "absent fathers" went to. The gun award thing makes me question that. Maybe CrossFit is also for people who have&hellip;small penises.</p> <p>Steroids will make your penis shrink. Steroids are something I think a bunch of CrossFitters probably take. One famous way for men to feel better about having a small penis is to get a gun.</p> <p>I go to <a href="" target="_blank">SoulCycle</a> like a harmless lunatic. At the end of SoulCycle, you know what you receive? A thumbs up from the instructor. If a SoulCycle instructor after class was like, "Ben, come up here" and then whispered, "I need you to take this pistol and hold it for me for a couple of days. Don't worry about it. No one is going to ask you any questions. And hey, you know? Next week's classes? <em>On me.</em>" If that happened I would call SoulCycle Corporate and be like, "Yo something is going on with this instructor. You need to call ATF."</p> <p>And then they would be so thankful to me that they would give a lifetime membership to SoulCycle. And I'd say, "You don't have to do that!" And they'd say, "Yes we do. You're a hero."</p> <p>Then I'd get up at the dais, look out at my adoring fans and say, "These guys"&mdash;pointing at the SoulCycle instructors&mdash;"they're the real heroes."</p> <p>Then I'd be on a jet to LA to sell the rights to this story and once the money was in escrow I would EAT EAT EAT and get so fat because who cares! "I'm a Hollywood producer and American hero."</p> <p>What were we talking about?</p> <p>Oh yeah, CrossFit is dumb.</p></body></html> Contributor Thu, 14 Jul 2016 20:20:50 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 309071 at This Is The Best Letter to the Editor You'll Read All Summer <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>Oh, Britain!</p> <p>With their <a href="" target="_blank">accents</a>,</p> <p><a href="" target="_blank">Harry Potters</a>,</p> <p>and balls (both "<a href="" target="_blank">foot</a>" and "<a href="" target="_blank">net</a>").</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Oh, Britain!</p> <p>With their<a href="" target="_blank"> insane political choices</a>,</p> <p><a href="" target="_blank">badger culls</a>,</p> <p>and <a href="" target="_blank">questionable condiments</a>.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>Oh, Britain!</p> <p>Is from where</p> <p>this funny thing comes.</p> <p><iframe allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="539" scrolling="no" src=";width=500" style="border:none;overflow:hidden" width="500"></iframe></p> <p>Have a nice day.</p></body></html> Contributor Tue, 12 Jul 2016 15:05:31 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 308791 at Donald Trump Just Met With Republican Senators—and All Hell Broke Loose <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" ""> <html><body><p>Donald Trump, whose name rhymes with Ronald Crump, went to meet Senate Republicans today to allay their fears that he is going to lose so badly that the GOP will lose the Senate as well.</p> <p>Things did not go well!</p> <p>Quoth the <a href="" target="_blank"><em>Washington Post</em></a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>When [Senator Jeff] Flake stood up and introduced himself, Trump told him, "You've been very critical of me."</p> <p>"Yes, I'm the other senator from Arizona&mdash;<a href="" target="_blank">the one who didn't get captured</a>&mdash;and I want to talk to you about statements like that," Flake responded, according to two Republican officials.</p> <p>&hellip;</p> <p>Trump said at the meeting that he has yet to attack Flake hard but threatened to begin doing so. Flake stood up to Trump by urging him to stop attacking Mexicans. Trump predicted that Flake would lose his reelection, at which point Flake informed Trump that he was not on the ballot this year, the sources said.</p> </blockquote> <p><a href="" target="_blank">Go read the whole post.</a> There's a lot more.</p></body></html> Contributor Donald Trump trum Thu, 07 Jul 2016 17:38:06 +0000 Ben Dreyfuss 308451 at