11 Awful John Edwards Pickup Lines

Former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC)Chuck Liddy/Raleigh News & Observer/ZumaPress.com

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The way we live now: On Friday, ABC News reported that former Democratic vice presidential nominee John Edwards has been flirting with a female alternate juror at his trial for allegedly making illegal payments from his campaign fund to cover up an affair. Per the story:

Since the alternates were identified last Thursday, it has been impossible to ignore the dynamic between Edwards and one of the female alternates, an attractive young woman with jet-black hair, who seems to have been flirting with Edwards for days.

The juror clearly instigated the exchanges. She smiles at him. He smiles at her. She giggles. He blushes.

But what does he say? We took a stab at it:

  • “Want to see what a $400 haircut buys? [Winks.]”
  • “Improper use of federal matching funds? More like matching fun, amirite? [Winks.]”
  • “[Points at electronic tracking bracelet.] [Winks.]”
  • “Hello, voir dear [long pause] [winks].”
  • “Shall we adjourn to my place? [Winks.]”
  • “I’ll bring the handcuffs [winks].”
  • “You’ve been acquitting yourself nicely [creepy laughter] [points fingers] [claps] [winks]..”
  • “They say justice is blind. But I can’t take my eyes off of you [winks].”
  • “We can build one America, baby [winks].”
  • “Did it hurt…when you fell from heaven? Because I know a good personal injury lawyer [winks].”

And for old times’ sake…

  • “My daddy worked at a mill all his life.”

Okay, now we need to take a shower.

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Thank you!

We didn't know what to expect when we told you we needed to raise $400,000 before our fiscal year closed on June 30, and we're thrilled to report that our incredible community of readers contributed some $415,000 to help us keep charging as hard as we can during this crazy year.

You just sent an incredible message: that quality journalism doesn't have to answer to advertisers, billionaires, or hedge funds; that newsrooms can eke out an existence thanks primarily to the generosity of its readers. That's so powerful. Especially during what's been called a "media extinction event" when those looking to make a profit from the news pull back, the Mother Jones community steps in.

The months and years ahead won't be easy. Far from it. But there's no one we'd rather face the big challenges with than you, our committed and passionate readers, and our team of fearless reporters who show up every day.

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