Chart of the Century: Chocolate Consumption Makes You Smarter

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An extremely rigorous and methodologically sound new study reveals some critical new nutritional information:

Table 2 shows the adjusted mean z-scores for each cognitive outcome across increasing categories of chocolate intake….Chocolate intake was significantly and positively associated with the Global Composite, Visual-Spatial Memory and Organization, Working Memory, Scanning and Tracking, the Similarities test (abstract reasoning), and the MMSE (covariate set 1, all p<0.05).

Population-level cognitive ability has long been associated with national success, which suggests that we need to establish two new pillars of American foreign policy. First, we need to invade and take control of the key cacao-producing countries of the world. Second, we need to establish a Strategic Chocolate Reserve. Just in case.

If we truly want to make America great again, we all need to buckle down and eat more chocolate. I’m doing my part, citizen. Are you?

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THE BIG PICTURE

You expect the big picture, and it's our job at Mother Jones to give it to you. And right now, so many of the troubles we face are the making not of a virus, but of the quest for profit, political or economic (and not just from the man in the White House who could have offered leadership and comfort but instead gave us bleach).

In "News Is Just Like Waste Management," we unpack what the coronavirus crisis has meant for journalism, including Mother Jones’, and how we can rise to the challenge. If you're able to, this is a critical moment to support our nonprofit journalism with a donation: We've scoured our budget and made the cuts we can without impairing our mission, and we hope to raise $400,000 from our community of online readers to help keep our big reporting projects going because this extraordinary pandemic-plus-election year is no time to pull back.

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