February 13, 2016

Things Donald Trump Will Do In His Second Year

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A non-exhaustive list:

  • Make tomatoes great again.
  • Rename Denali to Mt. Trump.
  • Forbid stupid homeowner association rules.
  • Fix Windows once and for all.
  • Eliminate ex-president Obama’s Secret Service detail.
  • Annex Cuba.
  • Build a permanent moon base as favor to Newt Gingrich. Also: lots of new zoos.
  • Send Atrios to a reeducation camp until his attitude improves.
  • Build a beautiful new Strategic Petroleum Reserve to handle all the oil he’s going to take from ISIS.
  • Nationalize Twitter.
  • Present Sarah Palin with a Kennedy Center Honor for the Performing Arts.
  • Invent really good artificial sugar and fat substitutes.
  • Declare war on Denmark, just to piss off Bernie Sanders.

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That’s twice the impact for intrepid reporting that peels back the layers to publish the truth—and the context you need to break it all down. It’s twice the fuel for investigations on voting rights and justice, critical in this midterm election year. And it’s twice the power for exposing the chaos and corruption of a White House trying to control the narrative.

This is a pivotal moment in our nation, with democracy on the line, and we can only do this work because readers like you step up. Every donation, of any amount, makes a difference here. And every donation will be doubled.

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