Prepare To Be Blown Away By the iPhone 8

Get your news from a source that’s not owned and controlled by oligarchs. Sign up for the free Mother Jones Daily.

Hayley Tsukayama reports on the latest exciting news from Apple:

Having decided to give the latest iPhones — the iPhone 7 and iPhone 7 Plus — a smaller-than-expected makeover, the pressure is on to deliver something spectacular with the next models. Apple insiders expect the company to show off a 10th-anniversary model of the iPhone that is substantially redesigned, with an edge-to-edge screen and no home button.

ZOMG! I’m not sure my heart can take excitment of this caliber. Does “substantially redesigned” mean yet another kind of connector so you have to toss out all your old accessories? Dees it mean a slightly different form factor so that your old cases won’t work? Does it mean a brand new color?¹ Does it mean putting the headphone jack back on top? Or wait. Does the iPhone even have a headphone connector anymore? I guess not. That was last year’s big news. Maybe this year they’ll adopt an entirely new way of piping encoded music that’s only compatible with Apple branded buds. It’s all to protect the customer experience, you see.

Perhaps you’re an Apple fan and don’t appreciate my juvenile snark. I understand. But seriously, Steve Jobs died six years ago. How long does it take before his reality distortion field fades away too?

¹In fairness, though, I have to give the color bamboozlement award to Microsoft this year. They recently released a new stylus for the Surface tablet, and the old silver color has been rebranded platinum and costs $20 more.

DEFEND THE TRUTH. DEFEND JOURNALISM.

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things it doesn’t like—which is most things that are true.

We’ll say it loud and clear: At Mother Jones, no one gets to tell us what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please do your part and help us reach our $150,000 membership goal by May 31.

payment methods

DEFEND THE TRUTH. DEFEND JOURNALISM.

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things it doesn’t like—which is most things that are true.

We’ll say it loud and clear: At Mother Jones, no one gets to tell us what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please do your part and help us reach our $150,000 membership goal by May 31.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate