How Much Is Bitcoin Really Worth?

I’m curious. Of all the bitcoin trades made in an average day, does anyone know how many of them are sales of bitcoin for actual money? And by “actual money,” I mean exactly what you think I mean: dollars, euros, yen, pesos, yuan, etc.

Also, why isn’t there a cryptocurrency named quatloos? Oh wait: there is. One quatloo is worth 5.8 cents. Finally we know!