Commander-in-Chief Promises “Nice New” Missiles for Syria

Melanie Bell/ZUMA

OK then:

So we’re going to fire some missiles at Syria after days and days of thinking it over? That’ll terrify them. Especially since there will be more missiles than last time. Putin and Assad must be quivering in their boots. However, I’ll consider the whole thing a success if the pundits of the nation can refrain from saying how presidential it makes Trump look.

In other news, Paul Ryan is retiring. I guess he wasn’t thrilled with the idea of becoming a backbencher again. But what will he do in retirement? Will he become a Fox News talking head or a K Street lobbyist? The suspense is killing you, isn’t it?