Silicon Valley Finally Addresses Our License Plate Crisis

Reviver Auto

The highest IQs our nation produces are now hard at work replacing the boring, old-fashioned license plate:

Reviver Auto’s RPlate can be validated via cellular signal when registration fees are paid, saving a state the cost of postage and materials for paper renewals. The screen can display anything, making it easy to switch designs if an owner wants to buy a vanity plate. Amber Alerts can be flashed on the plate; if the vehicle is stolen, the plate can be changed to display that fact. When the vehicle is parked, businesses can display advertisements on the plate, even targeting a vehicle’s particular location because the plate is connected to GPS. The GPS would also allow commercial fleet owners to track their vehicles.

Imagine my excitement. Not only will Amber Alerts infest my phone, they’ll infest my license plate too. And advertising! Who wouldn’t love the idea of turning every license plate in the state into a miniature, GPS-based billboard? If you’re parked in Palm Springs, you’ll get lots of ads for adult diapers. If you’re parked across the street from USC, you’ll get ads for Trojans. So sweet.

And the best news of all? It only costs $699! Plus $75 per year to connect to the cell network. This compares to $0 for the crummy, lifeless, 20th-century license plates we are all forced to suffer with now.