Here’s an Abridged Version of the Trump-Zelensky Readout

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The readout of the Trump-Zelensky phone call is fairly short, but I suppose it’s still possible to miss its full import. So just to make things clear, here’s an abridged version of the call. Please note that this is not a joke. It sounds like it, but it’s a legitimate, honest-to-god abridgement:

TRUMP: Congratulations.

ZELENSKY: Thank you. You were a great example to us. We’re going to drain the swamp.

TRUMP: That’s very nice. You know, we do a lot for Ukraine. Way more than those yakky Europeans.

ZELENSKY: Yes indeed. I especially want to thank you for your support in the area of defense. We are ready to buy more weapons from you.

TRUMP: I would like you to do us a favor though. Please look into the DNC server hack. Our attorney general will be calling you about that.

ZELENSKY: Sure, sure, anything for you. I’m appointing a new ambassador so we can continue our strategic partnership.

TRUMP: That’s great. I’d also like you to investigate Joe Biden’s son. Rudy Giuliani and our attorney general will be calling you about that.

ZELENSKY: No problem. The next prosecutor general will be 100 percent my candidate. He or she will look into this.

TRUMP: Great. I’ll have Giuliani and Barr call you. Your economy is going to get better and better, I predict.

ZELENSKY: The last time I was in New York I stayed at the Trump Tower. We’ll be very serious about that investigation of Biden’s son.

TRUMP: Good. Giuliani and Barr will call you.

No quid pro quo? Please. Save that fairy tale for the children.

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Thank you!

We didn't know what to expect when we told you we needed to raise $400,000 before our fiscal year closed on June 30, and we're thrilled to report that our incredible community of readers contributed some $415,000 to help us keep charging as hard as we can during this crazy year.

You just sent an incredible message: that quality journalism doesn't have to answer to advertisers, billionaires, or hedge funds; that newsrooms can eke out an existence thanks primarily to the generosity of its readers. That's so powerful. Especially during what's been called a "media extinction event" when those looking to make a profit from the news pull back, the Mother Jones community steps in.

The months and years ahead won't be easy. Far from it. But there's no one we'd rather face the big challenges with than you, our committed and passionate readers, and our team of fearless reporters who show up every day.

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