A Review of the New iPhones Before the New iPhones Come Out

I wrote this before the new iPhone was released (obvs).

The new iPhone was just released. 

There are a few different models. One of them is an upgrade over the iPhone 7. It costs the same as the iPhone 7 did. One is an upgrade over the iPhone 7 Plus. It costs as much as the iPhone 7 Plus did. There is also a new one! A 10th anniversary phone. It costs more than any other iPhone has ever cost. 

This is the phone you probably want most, and since these phones are often paid for with payment plans it will probably be a price difference you’re willing to swallow. Not that you should of course. You almost certainly do not need what new functions this phone has. But maybe you want them. That’s ok! Do not spend money that would otherwise go to necessities of life on this phone is what I’m saying, but if it’s money you’re going to spend on things you don’t need either way, then you do you. 

All three iPhones are rectangle and have visual elements. They connect to the internet. They also still have a little used “voice call ” function. You can send texts on them and also go on Tindr with them.

The camera on the new iPhones are big improvements over the cameras on the old iPhones. The camera on the anniversary phone is especially good. 

No one will sleep with you because you have one of these phones, but some might not sleep with you because you don’t. 

Pre-orders will start later this week.

Update: They have actually shown it now. It’s called the iPhone X (pronounced iPhone Ten). Here’s a photo. The only thing I was really wrong about is that the iPhone X doesn’t go on pre-sale until October 27. Ships November 3.