A Pitchers’ Duel

In which Will Durst discovers the haunting parallels between political conventions and baseball, with the exception that the food is better at Dodger Stadium than at Staples.

Get your news from a source that’s not owned and controlled by oligarchs. Sign up for the free Mother Jones Daily.


The competition between Democratic and Republican nominating conventions is a lot like a baseball game, in which the incumbent party is the home team. That’s why they always have “last ups” at the convention World Series. The score is kept in terms of “bounce.” And the Republicans, this election cycle’s visiting team, scored pretty well in the early innings.

But Gore — the Democrats’ ace reliever — came into the game to relieve starter Bill Clinton and immediately pitched a mean change-up: His choice of Joseph Lieberman had the GOP swinging at air. After the Philly circus — complete with the modern version of a minstrel show — the Orthodox Jew knocked the Republicans off their diversity rhythm. But the Democrats played a predictably bland game from there on out: not too much defense, and definitely very little offense. Gore was last up and hit better than his average, but failed to deliver a game-winning homer. The crowd was disappointed, but not surprised. And everyone’s still trying to figure out the score.

Between innings, there was a Triple-A game “dizzy bat” contest, also known as the Reform Party convention(s). Both Buchanan and Hagelin stumbled across the plate in a photo finish, with the winner of the $12.6 million cash prize to be decided in about a week by that dysfunctional One Hour Photo Lab known as the Federal Elections Commission.

Other ways the conventions are like baseball games:

  • Both teams have really ugly mascots.

  • If they don’t win, the manager gets canned.

  • The old boys’ network guarantees the manager always gets another job.

  • You can never find a beer vendor when you need one.

  • All the fans dress funny and wave silly banners for their team.

  • The media writes about it like it’s a life-and-death situation, when it’s really just a game.

BEFORE YOU CLICK AWAY!

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things they don’t like—which is most things that are true.

No one gets to tell Mother Jones what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please help with a donation today if you can—even a few bucks will make a real difference. A monthly gift would be incredible.

payment methods

BEFORE YOU CLICK AWAY!

“Lying.” “Disgusting.” “Scum.” “Slime.” “Corrupt.” “Enemy of the people.” Donald Trump has always made clear what he thinks of journalists. And it’s plain now that his administration intends to do everything it can to stop journalists from reporting things they don’t like—which is most things that are true.

No one gets to tell Mother Jones what to publish or not publish, because no one owns our fiercely independent newsroom. But that also means we need to directly raise the resources it takes to keep our journalism alive. There’s only one way for that to happen, and it’s readers like you stepping up. Please help with a donation today if you can—even a few bucks will make a real difference. A monthly gift would be incredible.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate