Spit-Shining the City of Angels

In which Will Durst lands in La La Land for the Democratic Convention among the beautiful, famous, and respiratorily challenged

Fight disinformation: Sign up for the free Mother Jones Daily newsletter and follow the news that matters.


LA’s finest, which is to say the City of Los Angeles’ police department minus the Rampart Division, a couple other individuals from each squad, and 13 dogs, insist they are determined the Democratic National Convention will not become a rerun of last year’s World Trade Organization boondoggle in Seattle.

Well, of course not. Those valiant protesters were denouncing an anonymous Goliath awash in corporate swag, lacking any connection to or interaction with real people, and yet affecting their lives in an uncaring and ultimately abhorrent manner. Whereas in LA, it’s the Democrats who are … oh. I see their point. Okay, so maybe there’s the eensy weensiest of similarities between the DNC and the WTO. Hell, you could draw the same similarities between the WTO protests and the recent post-championship Lakers riot. $7.50 for a beer at Staples Pavillion? Hand me a rock.

Since sidewalk newspaper racks became weapons and obstacles in both the WTO and the NBA incidents, the City of Angels is pre-emptively removing all the news racks from areas thought to be near possible venues suitable for protests. That’s City Hall Speak for “from downtown all the way to Venice,” and yes, I am talking Italy here.

There are also rumors about such precautions as removing all similar potential weapons from the streets from an area bordered on the west by the Pacific Ocean; the east, Pasadena; the south, Culver City, and the north, Eugene, Oregon. The closest street mailbox? Guam.

Los Angeles is having other problems as well, such as a lack of … suprise, suprise … volunteerism, a concept for which there is no word in Southern Californese. The Democratic convention may be a great booster shot for the City That Knows How To Tie Off, but when you come right down to it, it’s not really about Angelenos, now is it?

They must be thinking: “Would someone please tell me how this invasion of the unwashed is supposed to make me richer, thinner or younger?” After all, this is the town where tanning salons outnumber book stores 6-to-1. Tanning salons. Southern California. Your witness, Mr. Burger.

The big Chamber of Commerce spin on the Thing to See in LA isn’t that Buddhist temple where Al Gore mugged a couple of nuns in ’92. No, LA’s current pride and joy is this: The air quality has gotten better since the last time there was a convention here 40 years ago. Sure, it’s still the second worst in the country, but it’s better.

“Come celebrate the fact our air is currently featuring less poison. Respirators now optional. A place where breathing is no longer a competitive sport.”

But Los Angeles is pretty. You have to visit in the spring, when the smog turns green.

AN IMPORTANT UPDATE

We’re falling behind our online fundraising goals and we can’t sustain coming up short on donations month after month. Perhaps you’ve heard? It is impossibly hard in the news business right now, with layoffs intensifying and fancy new startups and funding going kaput.

The crisis facing journalism and democracy isn’t going away anytime soon. And neither is Mother Jones, our readers, or our unique way of doing in-depth reporting that exists to bring about change.

Which is exactly why, despite the challenges we face, we just took a big gulp and joined forces with the Center for Investigative Reporting, a team of ace journalists who create the amazing podcast and public radio show Reveal.

If you can part with even just a few bucks, please help us pick up the pace of donations. We simply can’t afford to keep falling behind on our fundraising targets month after month.

Editor-in-Chief Clara Jeffery said it well to our team recently, and that team 100 percent includes readers like you who make it all possible: “This is a year to prove that we can pull off this merger, grow our audiences and impact, attract more funding and keep growing. More broadly, it’s a year when the very future of both journalism and democracy is on the line. We have to go for every important story, every reader/listener/viewer, and leave it all on the field. I’m very proud of all the hard work that’s gotten us to this moment, and confident that we can meet it.”

Let’s do this. If you can right now, please support Mother Jones and investigative journalism with an urgently needed donation today.

payment methods

AN IMPORTANT UPDATE

We’re falling behind our online fundraising goals and we can’t sustain coming up short on donations month after month. Perhaps you’ve heard? It is impossibly hard in the news business right now, with layoffs intensifying and fancy new startups and funding going kaput.

The crisis facing journalism and democracy isn’t going away anytime soon. And neither is Mother Jones, our readers, or our unique way of doing in-depth reporting that exists to bring about change.

Which is exactly why, despite the challenges we face, we just took a big gulp and joined forces with the Center for Investigative Reporting, a team of ace journalists who create the amazing podcast and public radio show Reveal.

If you can part with even just a few bucks, please help us pick up the pace of donations. We simply can’t afford to keep falling behind on our fundraising targets month after month.

Editor-in-Chief Clara Jeffery said it well to our team recently, and that team 100 percent includes readers like you who make it all possible: “This is a year to prove that we can pull off this merger, grow our audiences and impact, attract more funding and keep growing. More broadly, it’s a year when the very future of both journalism and democracy is on the line. We have to go for every important story, every reader/listener/viewer, and leave it all on the field. I’m very proud of all the hard work that’s gotten us to this moment, and confident that we can meet it.”

Let’s do this. If you can right now, please support Mother Jones and investigative journalism with an urgently needed donation today.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate