Exhibit: Neutered Pet Tricks

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Neutered Pet Tricks

Fido has fake balls. And so do the more than 100,000 other pets in 37 countries who have had the artificial implants called Neuticles surgically inserted in their scrotums. The realistic-looking testicle implants are bought by dog owners who want their pets to retain a macho swagger after being neutered; but they have also been implanted in cats and other animals including rats, bulls, prairie dogs, and even a rhesus monkey in Pocahontas, Arkansas.

Neuticles inventor Gregg Miller says that the main reason people implant his product is because “they want their dogs to look natural. With Neuticles it’s like nothing ever changed, and that’s very soothing for a lot of people.”

Jenell Sausser, the owner of Frodo, the purebred Neuticled pug shown here, is more blunt about getting cosmetic surgery for her dog: “I wanted him to be whole. I wanted my expensive dog to look like the expensive dog I paid for.”

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What Would Jesus Eat?

Tom Ciola wants to lead the Lord’s flock to healthier pastures. A devout Christian with 30 years in the sports nutrition business, Ciola has struck on an idea that combines his two great passions — the Bible Bar. This wholesome snack is made with the seven holy foods named in Deuteronomy: wheat, barley, raisins, honey, figs, pomegranates, and olive oil. (Okay, so it has some puffed rice and raspberry powder in there too — only God is perfect. “We tried to have just the seven foods in there, but it didn’t quite work right,” Ciola says.) The Bible Bar certainly tastes healthy and is such a hot seller at Christian bookstores that Ciola recently expanded his product line to include Bible Granola, The Seeds of Samson (a seed and nut bar), and Back to the Garden, a “Bible Based Meal Replacer.”

Ciola says his enterprise is “a ministry as much as it is a business” and has even authored a self-help diet guide called Moses Wasn’t Fat. “We’ve had detractors who’ve accused us of commercializing the Bible,” says Ciola, “but I know I’m going to have to answer to the Lord someday, and I believe He will praise my good work.”

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Fishy Colors

Although it looks like a color swatch from Anna Nicole Smith’s decorator, the SalmoFan is actually a guide to salmon flesh color. It is produced by Roche, the pharmaceutical company that markets Carophyll Pink, a vitamin-cum-pigment that salmon farmers feed their stocks to redden the fish’s ßesh; farmers use the fan to judge if their fish need more pigment to reach the optimum color for market. Wild salmon “feed on krill, which turns their flesh red,” explains Grant Snell, general manager of the British Columbia Salmon Marketing Council. If salmon were farmed without adding Carophyll Pink, he notes, “their flesh would be basically gray.” Through intensive study, Roche determined that 2 out of 3 salmon shoppers prefer a No. 33 fish — a deep reddish orange. In other words, consumers want their salmon steaks to look, well, salmon.


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