Shop for America! (It’s a Very GWB Christmas!)


In light of George W. Bush’s recent instruction that Americans do their part to hold off economic recession by shopping more, Mother Jones brings you a collection of GWB action figures and dolls — perfect for that unreconstructed hawk or delusional hard-line right-winger on your gift list!

First, the “Top Gun” George W. Bush 12-inch action figure:

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Says the product description: “Comes dressed in a full flight suit, helmet, goggles, breather, and tanks that are identical to the ones George Bush wore when he landed on the flight deck of the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln.” Who doesn’t want to relive that great moment in American history! Can we get some boilerplate hero-worship, please? “Lambasted by his political critics for using the opportunity to boost his political career, President Bush remained as unflappable as ever. His flight outfit features pouches, pockets, straps, buckles, and all the accessories of an original. This item does not talk.” Even better!

Also comes with “Turkey Dinner” George W. Bush, commemorating the time our President surprised the troops in Iraq with a Thanksgiving visit carrying a fake turkey! Hooray for photo ops!

Up next is “Elite Force Aviator” George W. Bush:

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This 12-inch action figure is a “meticulous 1:6 scale recreation of the Commander-in-Chief’s appearance during his historic Aircraft Carrier landing.” Oh no, not that again! How does it compare to our first action figure? “The realism and exacting attention to detail demanded by today’s 12-inch action figure enthusiast are met and exceeded with this action figure.” Well, if you’re an “action figure enthusiast,” maybe you’ll want two!

Third in line is Frowny Face President Bush:

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Ever wanted to hear an unhappy-looking doll with a massive tie and crazy shoelaces tell you that he is “glad to be in the midst of patriots”? Then this is the doll for you! Comes with a biographical pamphlet detailing George W. Bush’s life before he was a disastrous president!

And finally, the Mr. Eloquence President Bush:

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How many times have you given an all-American child an all-American doll on Christmas, only to find out the doll was made in China? Well, no problem here! This doll speaks, and it actually says, “I come from Texas.” It also says, “…working hard to put food on your family.” Countries get the leaders they deserve, and people who want this gift probably won’t know what that means!

* Brought to you by Liberal Bloggers Fighting the War on Christmas.

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