February 11, 2007

Party Ben Pre-Live-Blogs the Grammys

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This will be so much easier than actually watching the thing.

8:00 PM – Ceremony opens with alleged “mashup” of Gnarls Barkley and the Dixie Chicks. There’s some confusion because Gnarls Barkley are in Dixie Chicks costumes. Randy Newman saves the day by descending from ceiling to sing 15-minute extended version of “Crazy”

8:16 PM – First Award, for Best Spoken Word Album. It’s a tie: Al Franken and Jimmy Carter! They accept with a witty back-and-forth that puns “tied” with “apartheid.” Polite laughter

8:19 PM – Reba McEntire and Diddy emerge as presenters. McEntire: “Hey Diddy, can you believe it, the Police are here!” Diddy: “Hold on, I gotta call my driver!” Slightly less polite laughter

8:23 PM – Carrie Underwood wins Best Country Song for “Jesus, Take the Wheel,” forgets to thank him in acceptance speech. Camera shows Jesus in audience smiling uncomfortably. Guy behind him pats him on back. You kind of get the feeling maybe things aren’t going so great, like Jesus heard a suspicious message from Buddha on the answering machine and you can see in his eyes this kind of confirms everything. Of course he forgives her but it just seems like she’s already moved on

8:27 PM – John Mayer and Tony Bennett perform “Candle in the Wind” accompanied by a montage of moments from the life of Anna Nicole Smith

8:43 PM – Chamillionaire wins Best Rap Song for “Ridin’,” sends Weird Al to accept

8:58 PM – Earth Wind & Fire peform theme song from “Snakes on a Plane” with Samuel L. Jackson, and, inexplicably, Melissa Etheridge

9:22 PM – The Flaming Lips win Best Alternative Album. Wayne Coyne attempts to crowd surf in giant bubble, “accidentally” crushes David Spade

9:40 PM – Neil Young wins Best Rock Song; rambling, embarrassing acceptance speech actually converts most liberals in audience into Brownback supporters

10:24 PM – Pussycat Dolls win Best Pop Performance. Camera searches audience in vain, but no-one has any idea what they look like

10:44 PM – Police perform medley of “Roxanne,” “Every Breath You Take,” and, awkwardly, “Don’t Stand So Close to Me,” accompanied by same Anna Nicole Smith montage

10:58 PM – Record of the Year goes to James Blunt; thanks fans because “they’re the ones who really are beautiful;” 90% of viewers experience fatal brain hemorrhage. Casualties in the high single digits

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WHO DOESN’T LOVE A POSITIVE STORY—OR TWO?

“Great journalism really does make a difference in this world: it can even save kids.”

That’s what a civil rights lawyer wrote to Julia Lurie, the day after her major investigation into a psychiatric hospital chain that uses foster children as “cash cows” published, letting her know he was using her findings that same day in a hearing to keep a child out of one of the facilities we investigated.

That’s awesome. As is the fact that Julia, who spent a full year reporting this challenging story, promptly heard from a Senate committee that will use her work in their own investigation of Universal Health Services. There’s no doubt her revelations will continue to have a big impact in the months and years to come.

Like another story about Mother Jones’ real-world impact.

This one, a multiyear investigation, published in 2021, exposed conditions in sugar work camps in the Dominican Republic owned by Central Romana—the conglomerate behind brands like C&H and Domino, whose product ends up in our Hershey bars and other sweets. A year ago, the Biden administration banned sugar imports from Central Romana. And just recently, we learned of a previously undisclosed investigation from the Department of Homeland Security, looking into working conditions at Central Romana. How big of a deal is this?

“This could be the first time a corporation would be held criminally liable for forced labor in their own supply chains,” according to a retired special agent we talked to.

Wow.

And it is only because Mother Jones is funded primarily by donations from readers that we can mount ambitious, yearlong—or more—investigations like these two stories that are making waves.

About that: It’s unfathomably hard in the news business right now, and we came up about $28,000 short during our recent fall fundraising campaign. We simply have to make that up soon to avoid falling further behind than can be made up for, or needing to somehow trim $1 million from our budget, like happened last year.

If you can, please support the reporting you get from Mother Jones—that exists to make a difference, not a profit—with a donation of any amount today. We need more donations than normal to come in from this specific blurb to help close our funding gap before it gets any bigger.

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