Bored With Rock and Roll? How About Shock and Roll? Now You Can Taser With a Beat

For indispensable reporting on the coronavirus crisis and more, subscribe to Mother Jones' newsletters.


leopard%20taser.jpg

Ever feel like shocking people just ain’t what it used to be? Like your self-defense experience is a little bit…boring? TASER International, whose 50,000 voltelectronic control technology” has helped redefine “trigger-happy,” knows what you’re missing: a new leopard-print stun gun, and an mp3-equipped holster to put it in.

Yes, for just a shade more than $450, you can own not just a weapon, but a personal protection experience. So says TASER head Rick Smith. “Personal protection can be both fashionable and functionable,” Smith elaborated in a press release announcing the company’s plans to “unleash” the new weapon and holster. Weapon, you say? Thought TASERs were nonlethal? Well, they are—as long as you don’t suffer from over-exhaustion, a heart condition, a back condition, or “excited delirium,” and avoid the perils of “Sudden In-Custody Death Syndrome,” which according to TASER “results from a complex set of physiological and psychological conditions characterized by irrational behavior, extreme exertion, and potentially fatal changes in blood chemistry.” Symptoms include “extreme agitation” and “sweating profusely.”

The company claims that these conditions, and not the device itself, account for the more than 150 recorded deaths of people who were for the most part perfectly healthy before receiving (often repeated) shocks from the device. But whatever: Seizures are such a buzzkill. Ditch those squares, rock on to your own soundtrack, and don’t forget: shoot early and often. Ain’t no party like a TASER party.

—Casey Miner

THE BIG PICTURE

You expect the big picture, and it's our job at Mother Jones to give it to you. And right now, so many of the troubles we face are the making not of a virus, but of the quest for profit, political or economic (and not just from the man in the White House who could have offered leadership and comfort but instead gave us bleach).

In "News Is Just Like Waste Management," we unpack what the coronavirus crisis has meant for journalism, including Mother Jones’, and how we can rise to the challenge. If you're able to, this is a critical moment to support our nonprofit journalism with a donation: We've scoured our budget and made the cuts we can without impairing our mission, and we hope to raise $400,000 from our community of online readers to help keep our big reporting projects going because this extraordinary pandemic-plus-election year is no time to pull back.

THE BIG PICTURE

You expect the big picture, and it's our job at Mother Jones to give it to you. And right now, so many of the troubles we face are the making not of a virus, but of the quest for profit, political or economic (and not just from the man in the White House who could have offered leadership and comfort but instead gave us bleach).

In "News Is Just Like Waste Management," we unpack what the coronavirus crisis has meant for journalism, including Mother Jones’, and how we can rise to the challenge. If you're able to, this is a critical moment to support our nonprofit journalism with a donation: We've scoured our budget and made the cuts we can without impairing our mission, and we hope to raise $400,000 from our community of online readers to help keep our big reporting projects going because this extraordinary pandemic-plus-election year is no time to pull back.

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our newsletters

Subscribe and we'll send Mother Jones straight to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate

We have a new comment system! We are now using Coral, from Vox Media, for comments on all new articles. We'd love your feedback.