My Only Comment on Handshake-gate

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This guy says it all.

Actually, I think it would be cool if we had a nationwide election to choose the perfect spouse for Flava Flav. We could have caucuses and primaries across the land to choose the two top contenders, and then have a nationwide popular vote via text message to select the winner. That’s how we’re going to select presidents in 2020 anyway.

Or, if you are a brown person, the chip installed in your brain by President Giuliani will automatically know who you want to vote for.

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Straight to the point: Donations have been concerningly slow for our hugely important First $500,000 fundraising campaign. We urgently need your help, and a lot of help, over the next few weeks so we can pay for the one-of-a-kind journalism you get from us.

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