If Superman is a Democrat, Is Batman a Republican?

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DC Comics has just announced that it’s sending its characters into the most terrifying parallel universe yet: the American political system. At a comic-con last week, the publisher’s executive editor talked about its upcoming “DC Decisions” series, in which members of the DC universe will declare their partisan affiliations. “Everyone’s talking politics; it’s an elections year, and we’re going to try to see how the characters of our universe react to that,” he said, which I think means that his writers have completely run out of material. So now that superheroes are going to start meddling in domestic politics, which way will they swing politically? A few guesses at some of the exciting partisan plot twists to come, after the jump.

Possible political revelations in “DC Decisions”:

Superman: Illegal immigrant, journalist
Plot twist: Uses super-duperdelegate powers to reverse time and rig the delegate-counting at the Democratic convention.

Batman: Aging, super-wealthy crime fighter
Plot twist: Liked Giuliani, but now can’t decide between McCain and former president Luthor.

Robin: “Ward” of aging, super-wealthy crime fighter
Plot twist: Embarrassed when alternate-universe Obama is forced to declare that “Earth-Two Dick Grayson does not speak for me.”

Wonder Woman: Broke the glass ceiling in her invisible jet.
Plot twist: Once used her bracelets to deflect Bosnian sniper fire during a top-secret mission.

Plastic Man: Extremely flexible, perfect hair
Plot twist: This early Mitt Romney backer may sit this one out.

Green Lantern: Cool ring gives him godlike powers
Plot twist: Attacked on cable news after he says American flag lapel pins leave unsightly holes in his unitard.

Aquaman: Hangs out with fishes, probably suffering from mercury poisoning.
Plot twist: Sending telepathic signals to get Al Gore to run.

Supergirl: Superman’s cousin and occasional jailbait.
Plot Twist: Retreats to the Fortress of Solitude after her “I’ve Got a Crush on Kucinich” video is leaked.

Rorschach: Creepy objectivist loner
Plot twist: Being wooed by Ron Paul as a possible running mate.

All Paulite and DC fanboy hate mail in the comments, thanks!

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THE BIG PICTURE

You expect the big picture, and it's our job at Mother Jones to give it to you. And right now, so many of the troubles we face are the making not of a virus, but of the quest for profit, political or economic (and not just from the man in the White House who could have offered leadership and comfort but instead gave us bleach).

In "News Is Just Like Waste Management," we unpack what the coronavirus crisis has meant for journalism, including Mother Jones’, and how we can rise to the challenge. If you're able to, this is a critical moment to support our nonprofit journalism with a donation: We've scoured our budget and made the cuts we can without impairing our mission, and we hope to raise $400,000 from our community of online readers to help keep our big reporting projects going because this extraordinary pandemic-plus-election year is no time to pull back.

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