Russian Lawmakers Draft Bill to Ban Emo, Immediately Turning Everyone Emo

mojo-photo-russianemo.jpgIn a development that may qualify for Ironic Event of the Century, the saddest country on earth is looking into banning expressions of sadness. The Moscow Times reports that the Russian Duma is considering legislation that would regulate emo-themed websites and ban the neo-gothic dress and hair styles typical of the scene from schools and government buildings. The legislators claim that emo culture is “negative” and encourages anti-social behavior, to which a million My Chemical Romance fans say “duh,” and also may lead to depression and suicide, to which I say, “not nearly as often as you’d like.” Awww, sorry, too soon?

In case you’re wondering what the hell emo even is these days, the proposed bill helps define it:

Emos, according to the bill, are from 12 to 16 years old and wear black and pink clothing. They have black hair with long bangs that “cover half the face,” black fingernails, black belts peppered with studs and pins, and ear and eyebrow piercings, the bill says. The “negative ideology” of emo culture may push young people toward depression and social withdrawal, and the movement carries a significant risk of suicide… The bill also outlines what it calls a “spiritual and ethical crisis” facing Russian youth, including the high rate of alcohol abuse, teen abortions and “negative youth movements.”

I’d just like to point out that spending more than 30 minutes in Russia carries a significant risk of suicide. Anyway, fans in Krasnoyarsk protested in an oh-so-adorable emo way, by pasting strips of red tape over their mouths and holding up signs that read, no lie, “Kill the State in Yourself.” I don’t even know what that means, but I think it’s the title of the next Panic at the Disco album.

Okay, I love to poke fun at the emo kids but I’d much rather have Russian youth piercing their noses and jamming out to MAIO than joining Nashi. However, as the country empties out, it’s probably only a matter of time before Nashi membership is mandatory, if only for repopulation purposes. Enjoy your floppy bangs while you can, russkies!