When Blacks Get Their American Dream ‘Burb On

The WSJ reports that, for the first time, ‘black’ cities like DC and Atlanta are losing their historic black populations to the suburbs. News, certainly. But why they gotta turn it into a big ol’ drama?

The only difference between this and white flight is that blacks are running toward something (supposed peace and tranquility) and not away from something (coloreds). We’d a done it sooner but for the economic discrimination that kept us from affording to join those stupid commuters with their ‘bowling alone’ anomie. And, oh, y’all killing us for trying.

Now, we get our American Dream ‘burb on—and we media types can’t just report already dramatic news. It’s gotta be a race war.

Here’s the WSJ’s sub hed:

For the First Time in Decades, Cities’ Black Populations Lose Ground, Stirring Clashes Over Class, Culture and Even Ice Cream.

Heavens! Formerly black churches are courting newly gentrifying whites rather than, oh, I dunno, closing. White candidates have a shot at winning ‘black’ mayoralties and municipalities are flinging up jazz spots all over town, knowing that Negroes can’t resist a hot sax anymore than Paris Hilton can resist a camera. Race war!

Why can’t news about blacks just be that—news about blacks? White folks: Everything ain’t about y’all all the time.