You Might Be a Liberal If…

10 findings on the party in your mind.

Photo: Reese Witherspoon: Paramount Pictures; Pizza: Todd Smith/iStockPhoto; Rabbit: Lewis Wright/iStockPhoto; Spider: Alberto A. Sanchez/iStockPhoto


You may be a liberal if…you were the Tracy Flick of your nursery school. Confident, dominating preschoolers grow into liberals, while fearful and easily victimized tots turn conservative.

Rabbit and Spider

You may be a conservative if…you alphabetize your underwear drawer. Conservatives are more likely to have neat and tidy rooms, and liberals messy ones.

You may be a liberal if…you’re up all night. 28% of liberals have insomnia, compared with 16% of conservatives.

You may be a conservative if…you’re a woman who craves chocolate chip cookies. Liberal ladies prefer theirs fruit filled.

You may be a liberal if…you’re in the mood for Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie-Dough Cheesecake. Liberals’ chain eateries of choice are the Cheesecake Factory, Panera Bread, and Starbucks, while conservatives dine at Hardee’s and Fuddruckers.

You may be a conservative if…you’re happy with tap water. Domino’s Pizza claims Republican customers are less likely to order beverages.

You may be a liberal if…you’re too lazy to walk to the pizza place. The Domino’s survey found that Democrats rely on delivery more than Republicans.

Pizza

You may be a conservative if…you have a son. Parents of boys are more likely to be conservative than parents of girls.

You may be a liberal if…you possess Obama-like calm. When shown a picture of a spider on a human face, most conservatives jump in fright; liberals react roughly the same as when they’re shown a picture of a bunny.

You may be a conservative if…your dreams are chaste. Nearly half of liberals report having erotic dreams; only 38% of conservatives admit to it. (This was before Sarah Palin.)

FACT:

Mother Jones was founded as a nonprofit in 1976 because we knew corporations and the wealthy wouldn’t fund the type of hard-hitting journalism we set out to do.

Today, reader support makes up about two-thirds of our budget, allows us to dig deep on stories that matter, and lets us keep our reporting free for everyone. If you value what you get from Mother Jones, please join us with a tax-deductible donation so we can keep on doing the type of journalism that 2018 demands.