The Palin Family Regrets to Inform You…

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The Governor of Alaska and Mr. Todd Mitchell Palin announce that
the engagement of their daughter, Miss
Bristol Palin, to Mr.
Levi Johnston,
has been ended by mutual consent.

In a shocking development, the
torrid betrothal of 19-year-old apprentice electrician Levi Johnston
and the daughter of the governor of Alaska—a year-long relationship that created two-month-old Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston and helped bolster the pro-life and working-class credentials of Sen. John McCain—has ended.

The liaison stood little chance of success, especially after the Republican Party transformed the two
high-school dropouts into symbols of social
conservatism. With that pressure, it’s no wonder the teens couldn’t withstand the normal trials of dating, never mind
the stress of playing it out before the entire country. And so, having performed his role with considerable aplomb, Johnston may now retreat to obscurity, free to snowboard, ride dirt bikes, go camping, film reality TV shows, and hang out with the boys to his heart’s content.

As for his son, Tripp Johnston, there’s no reason to worry. Many people conceived by unmarried couples have gone on to achieve illustrious feats in their own rights.