Downsizing Brenda Starr

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The bloodbath in America’s newsrooms has come to the funny pages. The latest victim of corporate short-sightedness and the death of print media: Brenda Starr, who in the course of her 69-year news career (take that, Helen Thomas) has become synonymous with hard-hitting reportage from exotic locales such as Kazookistan and a fabulous head of sparkly fire-red hair (nice try, Maureen Dowd). On Tuesday, Starr got furloughed by the publisher and CEO of the financially troubled Flash, Al Neuharth-lookalike B. Babbit Bottomline. It’s not clear what Starr’s next move will be; in typical cartoon soap opera style, this plot development is taking agonizingly long to unfold. There’s been hints that she’ll follow in the footsteps of her “scrappy intern” Pug, who headed to India, “where newspapers are still thriving.” Or maybe she’ll launch an exciting second career on the Internets, perhaps with the tech-savvy former colleague who recently told her to “E-mail me on Facebook!”. Stay tuned!