I Will Use the Space Solar Farm to Rule the Earth

Image courtesy Mafic Studios

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It does not matter to me that the Solaren Corp denies that their space-based solar farm, designed to take advantage of sunlight unfiltered by our dingy atmosphere, could be used to blow up buildings like in Independence Day, even if they try and make it explicitly clear:

[Solaren’s director of energy services Cal Boerman] also dismissed fears, raised in the past, that the transmission beam could hurt birds or airline passengers who stray into its path. The beam would be too diffuse for that. “This isn’t a laser death ray,” Boerman said. “With an airplane flying at altitude, the sun is putting about four or five times more energy on the airplane than we would be.”

Sure it isn’t a laser death ray… until I focus its stellar energy beam using the lenses secretly hidden in my fashionable spectacles and aim it directly at downtown Canada! Just a note: my plans to rule your puny little planet may interrupt Pacific Gas and Electric power service, as the company has agreed to buy enough electricity from it to power 150,000 homes once the array comes online in 2016, but that just helps my evil scheme, since not only will I be able to blow up your grocery stores and cinemas with my laser death ray, but you will also be prevented from watching TV. …But wait a minute. If you can’t watch my reign of blazing cosmic destruction on CNN, how will you know about my demands for all humans to relocate to the donut factories and start producing dozens more maple logs which shall then be shot in rockets to my space lair, where I’ll still be manning the aforementioned laser death ray? Curses! Well, you win this time, environmentally-conscious humans and your overlords PG&E, but I’ll be waiting.

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This investigative reporting takes time too. Months of research. Weeks of writing, editing, and fact checking—and putting together the photography, art, video, and audio that tell the stories in a new way, illuminating new perspectives and voices.

We can afford to take our time because we don’t report to oligarchs or corporations. We report to you, and for you.

And the stakes are high. Democracy is on the defense. We’ve been exposing corruption and scandal for five decades, and this is a pivotal moment in our country’s history. Will democracy prevail? We won’t wait for time to tell—independent journalism is essential for democracy, and we’ll keep doing our part to amplify the free press.

So, we’re asking: Will you join the fight? Mother Jones has been here for 50 years, and we need your support to fuel the future of investigative journalism. Mark our 50th anniversary with a gift of any amount.

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