Top 10 Reasons Why Gov. Mark Sanford Went Missing

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve already heard that Mark Sanford, the stimulus-money-refusing Republican governor of South Carolina, was missing for the past five days. Even his wife didn’t know where he was. His office said–or rather, lied–that he was hiking on the Appalachian trail, but when the governor turned up this morning at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, he said he’d actually been in Beunos Aires. Here’s a list of the top 10 theories on why the 2012 presidential hopeful went MIA:

10. He’s “private.” He wanted some alone time. (He says he was driving along the Argentinian coast.)

9. He “wanted to do something exotic.”

8. He was trying to figure out how to lead the GOP out of the wilderness.

7. Isn’t being the subject of over 2,000 articles in such a short time span a good way to increase your name recognition before running for President?

6. He was leaving to “spend some time away from his family.”

5. He’s “just a weird guy.”

4. He wanted to refute Stephen Colbert’s assertion that he is “incredibly boring… a manila envelope just glued to a beige wall… walking, talking Ambien.”

3. He was worried that Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.), another potential 2012 contender, was getting too much attention

2. He really was hiking in the woods…because it was Naked Hiking Day.

1. He’s running for president…of Argentina.