Best Abstinence Advice Ever

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If you’re like me, and you have trouble keeping friendly frontal hugs from turning into full-on depraved bonefests, you’ll appreciate the advice of these side-hug-advocating, Jesus-loving white rappers (h/t the Rumpus): 

Honestly, even though my Catholic-school teachers forced me to watch graphic abortion videos when I was a child, I had a hard time believing a big Christian group would really endorse something this misguided. Forget that even Bristol Palin knows that abstinence-only education is just silly; what’s with the gunfire and sirens? But consider the matter fact-checked: “Mm-hm, that was us,” the Encounter Generation Conference secretary told me this morning. “The side hug is just a little rule we have around here, to encourage kids to keep their hands off each other.” Apparently they’ve also recorded songs set to the Phantom of the Opera theme and Queen’s “We Are the Champions.” Since those are, unfortunately, not available on the Internet, I offer you Christian punk band Lust Control’s catchy anti-masturbation screed. My favorite part is where they remind you that Jesus “sees everything you do”—though it’s a slightly less creepy deterrent than what I was taught in grade school, which is that if you touch yourself, Jesus AND your dead relatives will watch. 

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We didn't know what to expect when we told you we needed to raise $400,000 before our fiscal year closed on June 30, and we're thrilled to report that our incredible community of readers contributed some $415,000 to help us keep charging as hard as we can during this crazy year.

You just sent an incredible message: that quality journalism doesn't have to answer to advertisers, billionaires, or hedge funds; that newsrooms can eke out an existence thanks primarily to the generosity of its readers. That's so powerful. Especially during what's been called a "media extinction event" when those looking to make a profit from the news pull back, the Mother Jones community steps in.

The months and years ahead won't be easy. Far from it. But there's no one we'd rather face the big challenges with than you, our committed and passionate readers, and our team of fearless reporters who show up every day.

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