Best Abstinence Advice Ever

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If you’re like me, and you have trouble keeping friendly frontal hugs from turning into full-on depraved bonefests, you’ll appreciate the advice of these side-hug-advocating, Jesus-loving white rappers (h/t the Rumpus): 

Honestly, even though my Catholic-school teachers forced me to watch graphic abortion videos when I was a child, I had a hard time believing a big Christian group would really endorse something this misguided. Forget that even Bristol Palin knows that abstinence-only education is just silly; what’s with the gunfire and sirens? But consider the matter fact-checked: “Mm-hm, that was us,” the Encounter Generation Conference secretary told me this morning. “The side hug is just a little rule we have around here, to encourage kids to keep their hands off each other.” Apparently they’ve also recorded songs set to the Phantom of the Opera theme and Queen’s “We Are the Champions.” Since those are, unfortunately, not available on the Internet, I offer you Christian punk band Lust Control’s catchy anti-masturbation screed. My favorite part is where they remind you that Jesus “sees everything you do”—though it’s a slightly less creepy deterrent than what I was taught in grade school, which is that if you touch yourself, Jesus AND your dead relatives will watch. 

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Which is also a pretty great way to describe Mother Jones' mission: People coming together around the truth to hold power accountable.

And right now, we need to raise about $400,000 from our online readers over the next two months to hit our annual goal and make good on that mission. Read more about the information war we find ourselves in and how people-powered, independent reporting can and must rise to the challenge—and please support our team's truth-telling journalism with a donation if you can right now.

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