This Week in National Insecurity: Orwellian Edition

DOD photo / <a href="">Wikimedia Commons</a>

Whichever side of the fence you land on, chances are you agree that America’s not a very secure nation these days: economically, electorally, or physically. So we grabbed our lensatic compass, rucksack, and canteen, then mounted out across the global media landscape for a quick recon. Whether you’re scared because our military isn’t good enough—or you’re scared because it’s too good—here’s all the ammunition you need, in a handy debrief.

Today is our special Orwellian edition! Black is white, down is up, and we’ve always been at war with Oceania! In this installment: Islamophobia is the new Beatlemania; Iraq is the new utopia; Afghanistan is the new Iraq; a robot heat ray is the new billyclub; virtual war is the new war war; and sometimes James Bond loses…his life.

The sitrep:

The United States government’s national threat level is Elevated, or Yellow. You’re welcome.